i know there’s little things about me that would sing in the silence of so much rejection in every connection that i make
this post has been screaming to be written for a few months, and full circle-ly, the person who inspired these thoughts some 3 months ago, presented this idea to me in question form last week. so as life usually bestows itself quite blatantly to me, i am listening and writing…
its interesting, when you’re a player in the dating game, no matter who you are, you meet people quite regularly. possible suitors, if you will. and probably ninety-five percent of the time one of the two of you are not interested, and it goes no where. but in your dating life, there are those people that sneak in sideways and blindside you with an instant connection. and if all goes well (and when does that really happen in dating?!) you begin a happily ever after life together. but, for most of us, it starts with a phone call, a text, a discussion of the next time we see one another. and its with these people that the next time usually occurs as soon as physically possible, because, well, theres a connection- and who wants to let that sit for even a second?
so you dive right in. into wanting to know everything there is to know about them. into seeing them every possible second life will afford you. into laughs and glances, histories and dreams of the future. and its amazing.
and this usually lasts, ehhh, about two weeks. and then life sneaks up on you and demands the attention that you have not been giving it. and for whatever reason life tends to snap one of the two of you out of it sooner than the other. and then not only, do you have to divide your attention between life and connection, but you’ve got to play catch up on the life you’ve, so diligently, been ignoring. so instantly, finding time to ‘hang out’ with your connection is nearly impossible… but you want to so badly, of course. so you make plans either- in the hopes of being able to keep them, or out of the naivete that life will force you to work hard for love. and you break them. because, well, you’re still playing catch up. and usually, this happens more than once.
and there you are, two people with a connection, at an invisible crossroads- instanly this has gotten more real, less fantastical. its work to hang out, its difficult to plan schedules, your friends are wondering where you are, giving you a hard time because you were gone for weeks (half in a magical state of connection and half in a catch up on life period). and logically, life and friends win over new, now energy consuming, possible new boyfriend or girlfriend. i mean, what kind of chances does that spark have to grow in those kind of conditions?
so, i’ve decided, that is why taking it slow matters. dating is rough. and getting back into the game after a timeout (relationship, if you will) is even rougher. so when we find someone we connect with… we grab on to it. and swan dive right in, in hopes of making it work. when, unfortunately, that swan dive is the asbestos of that relationship- silently, tastelessly, smellessly, killing all chances that relationship has of living.
taking it slow is kind of like a realistic job preview. putting all the terms of life out there so that you and the other are absolutely positive that it is what you think it is, and it is something you do actually want to get into. its saying- listen, my life demands this, this, and that of me. and i will juggle and arrange for us, but those things are not going away.
as unmagical and unfantistical as it may be, taking it slow and omitting the swan dive is like stepping back and looking at the situation rationally. easy for me to say, right?
you wish that you could tell him that its all okay, but you feel a little shy these days, cause everybody goes away.