friends of the opposite sex…

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when I wake tomorrow I’ll bet that you and I will walk together again cause I can tell that we’re going to be friends

it’s like the chicken or the egg dilemma. can straight twentysomethings have friends of the opposite sex, that stay just that? and, if so, how does that affect their romantic relationships?

interestingly enough, i find myself standing in a place i have been many times before. new to a city, making new friends- and realizing that they are all guys. and honestly, i am not upset, this is clearly what works…what i like. and being the analytical character that i am, i have figured out why. most guys deal with relationships, well friendships, very similar to the way i do- straightforwardly. i mean usually with guys, if there is a disagreement, or fight, or someone is upset it gets dealt with pretty immediately. there is no holding it in, or long circular arguments. you deal with it, and get over it, and move on. now i could be making false generalizations…but i don’t think that’s the case. so- that is why i often find myself with a group of guy friends much more regularly than i do girlfriends. when i’m upset, i tell you, i deal with it, and then, honestly i’m over it. and if i’m not – you’ll know.

and of course i love my girlfriends to death. but i’ve got my close ones, and i’m really not looking to make new friends that are girls. because, honestly, its draining, time consuming, and energy intensive. and right now in my life, i’d like to put that energy into finding my soul mate. correction- my romantic soul mate. i have my friend soul mates.

so this week i verbalize these thoughts to my boys. explaining my rationale about my abundance of male friend companions. they agree with my theories on male friendships and we move it.

and then, a few days later, it gets interesting.  one of the boys has been seeing this girl. and shes cute, and they have fun, and all that stuff. but after a few cocktails he admits that he thinks he may not want to continue seeing her. why?, i ask. because all her friends are dudes!, he replies. and there i am, suddenly aware of myself… standing at the bar in flip flops, a black tee, comfy bike capris, and no makeup on- surrounded by 4 guys.

i encourage him to explain, trying desperately not to make the conversation about me just yet. and i say, oh yea well i mean i get it. hanging out with guys you don’t know can be pretty weird. (thinking about why meeting new girlfriends is so draining, assuming it is similar with guys). and he continues, no it’s not just that… they’re all just waiting in line for their chance to sleep with her!. and instantly i wonder, am i screwed for life because all my friends are guys?!

and i begin to analyze. is this the general feeling about ‘guys’ girls,’ or girls who naturally get along easily with guys, and enjoy the low drama company males? are the guys they date, or try to date, wondering what is going on in the background with all of their guy friends?

and ultimately, my head starts to spin with questions and thoughts and theories on how my romantic relationship life has been, and will be, affected by my propensity for high quantities of male friends.

am i naive to think that straight twentysomethings can be just friends with the opposite sex? and is this naivete affecting any of my current relationships? am i shooting myself in the dating game foot because all my friends are guys? and then… the ultimate question – are ‘my boys’ just waiting in line to sleep with me!? nah. that i just do not honestly believe… but this is where my rational and logic thoughts matter little, because i am not a guy. i will never truly be able to confidently say what guys think or feel, because i am a girl.

so my, unfortunately circular, question to the universe… are there opposite sex friendships that can exist and last, without ever turning romantic? and either way, do these friendships affect romantic relationships of the future?

all these wrong conclusions that leave you alone, how could everyone rearrage, how could everyone else have changed, what i see… i believe…

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