it’s a saturday afternoon romance between a cowboy and a fool…
i think i’ve been feeling (for lack of a better word) lonely lately. and because of that, all things romantical have been on my mind. and since i kept using the word ‘romantic,’ i realized that it seems to be this intangible thing- difficult to define. like umm love. everyone has a different definition. romance/romantic can be a noun, a verb, an adjective, a feeling and probably any other component of language we could think of. yet, everyone defines it differently.
so how is one supposed to be romantic, or experience romance if each of us defines it differently? there have been a few things in the last few weeks that made me croon with romantical feelings (read: become blue with envy, yes blue=sad) and they were all so different.
first, a friend of mine from high school got married. and he is younger than i, and all his friends were poking fun of him at the wedding for being the guy that had a new girl every week. one said, “and he’d call me and be like, ‘dude, i met this girl and she is so cool…’” another, “then he’d call me and be like, ‘no really i think this is the one, i really like her’” and the next “no it was more like, ‘i met this girl, she’s so awesome, i want to see her all the time.’” and they were all commenting on how its shocking that he is the first one to get married and they are so surprised (!!). and all i could think of (odd since i was one of those girls for a week) was how romantic it was that he believed in love and romance enough to keep trying to find the one. he was an active participant in making love in his life. or at least trying. he wasn’t calling and saying “dude, i met this girl she’s so hot.” every one of his friends unconsciously quoted him talking about how he liked her, as a person. <— romantic.
second, after reading my last post about my one sided love with said chicago boy a guy friend of mine was assuring me that i wasn’t crazy for doing what i was (crazy things). he said, quite simply, “there’s nothing like an impossible situation to make someone feel quote-unquote romantic” and wow, was he right. the possibility of something so impossible actually happening is so inspiring and fantastical that it feels like romance. like, “look at the odds against us.” or, “listen to this serendipitous way we met! the stars were on our side…” fantasy-like = romantical.
third, a girlfriend of mine went on a date with the guy she’s been seeing. and to anyone else, the events of that night were probably very ‘normal-date’ like. but i was very hung up on the sole fact that they had a date night. time set aside for each other even though friends get along. wanting to spend alone time together on a typical ‘go out’ night = romance.
so i asked a few of these friends what romance actually meant to them. and the first response was pretty standard – “little things that he knows I like, or flowers, or surprises.” and i realized then that those standard definitions were not really what i was thinking of in my mind. but i couldn’t quite express what it was that i was thinking of.
and apparently after hearing my fumbling words, inappropriate for the ‘over drinks before a night out’ situation, they contemplated my seemingly out of place examples of romance (above) and seemed to get it a little more than i thought.
one said that romance is simply making an effort. and i agree. but, in my idealistic and *romantical* crazy brain, i hope that our awkward evolution of dating cannot be defined as effortless=acceptable and anything more= romantic. so i am going to piggyback onto her idea and make my personal adjustments to her simple, yet accurate assessment.
i think that romance is being positively present. and yes, here i go with my combination of new age and corporate HR terms, but it is as simple as that. i think that being conscious of what you are doing can honestly equal romance. instead of analytically fleshing this out, i’ll give you an antonymous analogy of what i mean. haven’t you ever, or heard of a friend who has become unhappy in a relationship because they are bored and feel like they are “going through the motions?.” come home from work, make dinner, watch tv, go to bed. oh yea, and the bf/gf is there too. those relationships where people are unhappy are those in which the people are just going through the motions. like getting out of a car and not being able to remember the drive. going through life, love, and relationships unconsciously, un-present.
being present is simply being conscious of yourself, and your actions. and doing them with positive intent. and this quite quickly spirals into romance in our brain. its easy. and can mean a million different things. but the best part- you’ll always be right about what is ‘romantic’ to your partner. because ‘right’ = effort… or presence.
so any easy fix to any and all dating(or lack there of) rut- become conscious of what you are doing. be present in dating. have the conversations. keep looking for the right one. surprise her with her favorite ice cream. buy him his favorite magazine. go to your favorite bar together. think about what you are doing. and smile. and do it with positive intent. and life will be romantic. and inspiring.