snails see the benefits, the beauty of every inch, so why why why you so quick to kiss?
so, i was having a conversation last week with a friend, one of those honest saviors of the dating world, and he is newly back on the market (you chicago ladies have something majorly good on your hands) and i asked him if he was going to get his mack on at the bar that evening. and his response, perfectly simple, “eh it’s not about macking as much as i could let it be. i mean i could go out and get my swerve on if i wanted but that’s not really my style.”
and of course i said i loved that it wasn’t his style. and he said that he was bringing dating back. and respected certain milestones in relationships. and i was oh so in love with our conversation at that moment.
it also reminded me of something a teacher at my friend’s all boy high school told him once “if you like a girl, don’t kiss her right away.”
and wow. how perfect. dating is supposed to have milestones. and we have somehow created this hookup culture that bypasses all these milestones. but the thing about the hook up culture that that it was created because we want real/lasting/satisfying relationships, but don’t know how to get there so we might as well “have fun trying.” and yes, i’ve talked about this before… but i think we need to analyze the old milestones of dating as a way to remember how good they were.
they were (in paraphrase of my friends): dude i met this girl and we stayed up all night talking, oh we went on a date (the two of us), we held hands, oh man we kissed, we finally made-out hardcore, and ultimately… i got laid and it was so good.
so now i’m going to take it back myself, and try and enkindle these feelings in us one more time. cause, damn they were honest feel good giggly feelings.
member the feeling of just meeting someone that you could/wanted to talk to all night? not talking in effort to leave the bar with. not talking as a way to kill time until you’re drunk enough to make-out with and blame the alcohol, but actually talk to. think back to middle school if you have to- staying up late whispering to the boy/girl you liked on the phone all night. as if seeing them tomorrow just would never be enough. and no matter how tired you would be tomorrow it would all be worth it to talk about the song you’re listening to right then in your bed, or your favorite food, or how you did on the math test. remember that feeling of thoroughly enjoying talking with someone, and wanting to know everything about them?
and then you get to the weekend. and you can go out with them, cause its not a school or work night. and you plan what you’re going to do and since you’ve talked about everything on the phone all night during the week every phone call turns to the logistics of hanging out and what “we’re” going to do. and you think about what you’re going to wear (i know you do/did this too boys) and the split second you see them you get giggly inside and try to hide it and play it cool. and all night you’re hanging out, or eating dinner, or watching a movie wonder if he is going to hold your hand, or if she is going to reject you if you try. and somehow your hands actually touch, and you get butterflies. god, remember that?! it was amazing. those butterflies of honest liking and attraction.
so now you’re hanging out and talking on the phone every night and probably holding hands when you see each other and all you can think of is that kiss. the first kiss. and if you’re a girl you’re probably thinking of how he’ll do it, where, when, and will he put his hand on your face (because it is the epitome of hot) or is he ever going to do it? and i won’t pretend to know what you boys are thinking but i’m sure its like: should i? how? when? does she even want me to? will i ruin everything? will it be awkward? and then it happens and more giggles.
and then you’re holding hands, and maybe smooching once in a while and then probably comes some sort of boyfriend/girlfriend talk. cause, in the honest days of dating, by this time you want them to be kissing only you (not sleeping only with you).
and then comes hanging out with your and their friends and being comfortable enough with the “relationship” that you can hold hands, and smooch in front of friends. and you want to. because you are not looking for someone at the bar that you may be more attracted to, or want to flirt with. you actually just want to be with that person cause you have connection and friendship on top of attraction and giggles.
and then you have a relationship based on mutual interest, friendship, attraction and connection, where you have decided to be exclusive before sleeping together (am i the only one who still believes in this?!) and all is good. and then you sleep together. and it means something. and its connection based. and honest. and strengthens the relationship- not threatens it.
these were good milestones. what happened to them?
i guess the point of this post is to elicit those butterflies in the stomach feelings that we had when we first began dating. and to ask you all, has there been anything better than reaching the dating milestones in such a manner? and propose this – as always, anything worth something takes time and effort… so maybe we should go back to the days where if you like someone you don’t kiss them right away. because hopefully i’ve reminded you of what it felt like to wake up thinking about a boy or girl you like not laying next to them, and you want that feeling again, too.