you’re chatting me, like we connect but I don’t even know if we’re still friends
It’s so confusing, understanding you is making me not want to do the things that I know I should do
But i trip up and then i lose and i hate looking like a fool
wow. feel like some crazy person the way my thoughts about myself and dating seem to fluctuate lately. i think generally this is where i stand: i am in no hurry to jump into a relationship (hello 2.5 year break since my last), i am, however, open to meeting someone to get to know, i do need to take whatever it is with that someone slowly, i am not into this whole hook up culture, and like the giggly stuff… but THAT being said, i have a bone to pick.
ok, this maybe is just a rant, so if you’re not into hearing curly redheads bitch, then maybe wait for the next post. but here is the thing. what does it take for a guy to ask for a girls number? it seems i have friends that get girls numbers all the time (and they call, usually, i’m not just talking sport). and because most girls are not like me, they had to ASK for those numbers.
so my question, to you straight boys- what makes a girl worth asking for her number?!
is it purely physical?
is it good conversation?
is it when you know she’ll give you it (ego boost)?
is it cause you want to get to know her?
is when she asks for yours?
and a few more questions… do you really think that a girl who gives you her number may be the one (i swear there is no judgement in that question, i just want to know)? is there a type of girl that you usually ask? do you ask girls for their numbers often?
and ultimately, what the hell is it about me that makes you all NEVER ask? ok. this is not a pity party, i promise. but “just because i don’t want to go to the prom doesn’t mean i don’t want to be asked!” i know this is probably a cranky wednesday feel bad about myself moment but, what gives?
i was talking to a friend about the concept of ‘macking’ and just going out on the weekend to meet people. and sure, maybe i’m outta line to say that i want to go out and get my ’swerve’ on without anything actually coming of it, but i just said it. so we’ll move on. in said conversation i could not actually remember the last time a gentleman caller asked for my digits. so what IS it?!
in case you have not figured it out I AM ASKING FOR A RESPONSE TO THIS. this is not a rhetorical question.
so to recap boys- what is it about a girl that makes you want to/or not want to ask her for her number?
and remember, i’m being crazy superficial non meaningful relationship steph right now, because honestly self esteem comes from lots of places, and what other people think is most certainly one of them. (and i don’t need “oh don’t worry steph you don’t want of those guys, its ok they are just intimidated, you’re not going to meet the one for you in a bar” answers. i know this. remember i’m a smart cookie. just play the game how i asked you to, kay?)
8 comments ↓
I tend to ask a girl for her number if I’m intrigued by her and want to get to know her better… But if I want it, I ask. I’m the kind of person that doesn’t mind being shot down because if I don’t ask I’ll never know what could have happened.
I tend to avoid the issue completely by asking for the guy’s number
I’ve been told, time and time again, that I’m “intimidating.” That (to me, at least) is a good filter as to who I actually want asking for my number. If you’re too scared to ask, it’s likely we’re not going to be a long-term item…or even a short-term one! Strength and confidence are sexy, no matter what your gender.
You go out and you get that number yourself, girl. You go, Steph! Great blog.
erika,
it seems like we are a lot alike. and this post is actually straying from my normal thoughts on the issue (http://stephdub.com/2008/07/07/the-boy-who-doesnt-call/) because like you i am constantly told that i am intimidating (must be the red hair?) AND usually ask for or give the number first. and boy do i have thoughts on this… but you brought up a good point. i should ASK for his, not GIVE him mine.
hmmm, thanks!
<3 stephanie
Confidence usually gets the conversation going, and eye contact is helpful. The general rules of attraction really come into play.
Granted there’s always the chance of a misfire, which I’ve unfortunately been involved with. You simply need to take the risk.
For the record, I don’t mind if I woman gives me her number.
I don’t ask most people I meet for their numbers.
Asking a girl for her number is not the common case. Its not hard, if you go out at all, to meet dozens of new people a month and not ask for more than one or two numbers. If even that. Most of the time I don’t a have a specific reason *not* to ask, I just lack a specific reason *for* asking.
I can think of at least 5 girls I whose numbers I could have asked for so far *today*. Why didn’t I? The right question is “why should I have?”.
Hi Steph,
“is it purely physical?
is it good conversation?
is it when you know she’ll give you it (ego boost)?
is it cause you want to get to know her?
is when she asks for yours?”
Yes. Hope that helps!
There is someone I care very much for in my bed right now, and this is why and how I got her number. We both wanted to go see Amelie at Foreign Cinema. We both wanted to booze it up at Sharon Meadow while running through red lights on our bicycles. We both wanted to drink 40s and watch Rocky while fucking.
I knew that even if I didn’t get her number, we would make out the next time we saw each other. I got her number because we had a fucking strong connection. Know what I mean? I got her number because I didn’t need to because either of us would do our darndest to find each other even if we didn’t have each other’s names. We’d stalk all around San Francisco or post a miss connections on Craig’s List.
I got her phone number because I didn’t have to.
Funny, I never thought about that before. I usually can tell about people quickly and in the past I would base it off looks and half way decent conversation.
Now that I’m older (32) I’m much more interested in looking for the “one”. Because of that I tend to base asking for a girls number off many things. In short though, I base it less on looks now and more on how were connecting/vibing with clear signs that she’s into me.
I really don’t want to waste time anymore. I’ve had my fun and don’t mind waiting for the good “one” now.
Hope that helps in some way. If anything it got me thinking about things a little more.
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