it feels like love love love, and it feels like touch touch touch
so the macking game is interesting. and completely different for men and women, boy and girls. and apparently i have no game. in the literal and metaphorical way. because almost two weeks ago i decided that, just for sport, i would consciously get my mack on, if you will. i decided to get back into the game just to see how it goes. and to have fun, and get some attention and you know… be flirty. cause it’s fun. so i thought.
the concept is fun, until i realized that i apparently have no game. i never thought it something i needed. i talk and laugh, a lot, and loudly. and that is usually enough to get some flirtations going (and equals zero effort because its, uhhh just who i am). but a few times recently i have set out with my boys on a quest of getting my mack on. to see if i could. and my boys mack their shit. and i go home in a cab alone. (which is fine by me, don’t think i’d want my mackee to be in the cab with me anyway)
the point. instead of a full on mack session, it seems like i often just become the awkward third (or fifth) wheel in the situation. and im not sure why. well, i have some thoughts.
a) the LACK of interesting and attractive mackees. cute boys where ARE you? (besides behind the counter of my favorite ice cream shop). it seems that my boys usually find at least one mack worthy lady every time they try. i on the other hand, have not found a cute conscious flirt worthy boy. i suppose this could be for a few different reasons: i would like to meet someone to have a real connection with. so even though i am playing the game of mack as purely sport my mind cannot separate its normal flirt/crush/like worthy qualifications from the apparent low standards i must need to simply get my swerve on. also, maybe i’m hanging at the wrong mackppropriate venues. however, i believe a bar is the MOST mackppropriate place possible. hmp.
b) i am always hanging with boys when i try to get my mack on. maybe other boys don’t want to talk to the girl surrounded by other guys. but what sucks about THIS is that my presence exponentially increases the ‘game’ of my boys. sorry loves, its true. i am the trust factor. i am there to bond with the girl, and to let her express her ‘i don’t normally do this’ thoughts, and assure her that my boys are different, they are good guys (which they are). so while i am being passed over as the girl hanging with dudes, my dudes are macking hard. and successfully.
c)maybe i’m just not able to play the game when i’m not really in it to win it. i mean who really wants to be making out at the bar, or in the alley, or in the cab? or wake up wondering if there actually was something, or was it just physical. unfortuantely i say this with less umph that i should because sometimes the attention one gets from a mackee is just what one wants, needs, and enjoys.
and hell. maybe a mackee meeting would lead to a date. which i am apparently also ready to try on for size. ugh. this week dating just seems so… annoying.
5 comments ↓
…wait, are you saying alley make-outs aren’t fun?!
Excellent post! The 3rd wheel/5th wheel/wheel sydrome is a common one, and I am perpetually finding myself (or, I guess, putting myself?) in that wheel of a situation.
However, mine doesn’t involve my single guy friends taking it to the bars, but rather - my close friends and their husbands/fiances or live in boyfriends. Which is wonderful, as I love their significant others, but I’m constantly finding myself in dark bars, tucked away in corners, catching up with them (which I love) but where does that leave me?
Oh, right. Single. And, stuck in a corner (litereally and figuratively) and not necessarily meeting anyone new. . . which isn’t always the goal of the night out anyway, but. . . well, isn’t it? kinda? when you’re single?? I spend plenty of my nights in with pizza, wine and friends (as in: tonight) so when I’m out in a bar, surrounded by possibilities and newness and people I don’t see on a regular basis - I suppose it is optimal time to “meet someone.”
Instead, my friends boyfriends/fiances/husbands buy me drinks and tell me how happy they are that I’m friends with their sig-oth and we get cozy and tipsy in a protected area of the bar and I think, ‘I love these people; this matters more.’
Rather than talking in circles (ha! too late!) I’ll say this: it’s not always desirable to be the odd wheel out, but if you surround yourself with good people and you force yourself up out of that corner once and a while…
Who knows? You’re bound to bump into someone (just try not to spill their drink on them - I’ve been there. They don’t usually ask for your number)
What I’m really trying to say is: thanks for the post. It’s good to know there are other wheels out there, and I hope that all of us single-wheelers find our match and build our perfect bicycle.
oh colleen. you had to add the perfect bicycle thing, didn’t you? this is why i love you. you get it. a bicycle built for two.
but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to resist being the town bicycle in the meantime.
next time you go out on the town, listen to andrew w.k. while you’re getting ready. every time he says the word “party” take a drink. you’ll be so amped up and drunk by the time you hit the bar, you won’t care what happens.
*PARTY NAKED FOREVER*
in response to b): well, duh.
Guys don’t hit on girls who are hanging out with dudes. It doesn’t matter why, it just is.
Also, when you’re hanging out with your friends, its very easy to stay in the comfort zone of talking to your friends, rather than stepping out and laying your mack down. I’m guessing that you’re going out with friends specifically for the comfort/fallback aspect. I think that that’s gonna keep you from getting your full swerve on.
I’ve never met more people than the time after I moved to SF and knew no one– i’d go out alone and be forced to talk to strangers.
All this bicycle talk in the comments reminds me of a quote attributed to Gloria Steinem: http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/414150.html
I think girls just need more than guys established first to find a guy interesting enough to be “mack worthy.” I mean if you’re looking for connection, that’s going to be hard to find in a crowded noisy bar. Whereas for us guys, it’s pretty much “post pretty girl ergo propter pretty girl.”
That goes extra in SF where most single guys are passive… or gay, for that matter.
Good luck with getting your flirt on.
—terry
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