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you people in relationships… this one is for you.
what the hell? lately it seems like the same thing keeps happening to many of my friends and me. we are wholeheartedly and consciously mislead while playing the dating game. by which i mean… we are flirted with, hit on by, connected to, and often given physical attention by possible suitors. and THEN told that said suitor has a a significant other. wtf.
for a while i had a few thoughts on this. mainly just based on my own experience. i had (?) a tendency to fall, hard, for boys with girlfriends. what would suck is that i would not know they had a girlfriend at the point which an honest connection was being made. recently, i asked some guy friends about this. and we came to a few conclusions. well mine different from theirs :). being the hopeless romantic that i am i thought, that guys most certainly feel more comfortable being themselves around others when they are in a relationship. much like the safety average guy saviors of the dating world provide to their leading ladies. because no matter who we are, we are, on some level, concerned with what a potential suitor thinks of us. it’s the game. plain and simple. thus, if we are in a relationship we are not concerned with potential suitors’ judgmental thoughts and are therefore able to be who we are and confident in it. this ability to just embrace everything we are opens us up on a different level to connecting with others. because, obviously, connection can’t happen if you are not being yourself. so i felt as though i was connecting with these boys on a real awesome (mutual!) level, which i was. and then, when there was no physical advancement quickly after, i thought this was an even BETTER sign. it meant that this was a real connection and it would go slowly and i had actually met someone worth getting to know and possibly date. so right, then i find out about their significant other. usually of multiple years. ugh.
when i told my guys friends of my thoughts of having a real connection with boys with girlfriends they thought otherwise. and basically told me i was being silly romantic steph thinking that there was a connection. and that they were probably just being nice to me. screw that. when does a guy do ANYthing he doesn’t want to for the sake of being nice to someone that he is not interested in [sleeping with]?! not often. cause he doesn’t have to. so. i have somewhat moved on from my silly habit of falling hard for guys with significant others. i mean the real ‘falling for’ them. the killing myself to get over them months later ones. because at that age i was thinking that connection was connection and of course i’d rather see the person (even if secretly in love with them) and connect opposed to not see them at all. now, no. i have learned (ha, we’ll see) the value of not putting myself in situations where i know the outcome could be potentially sad. such as connection without it being able to go anywhere (because of things like a girlfriend, or distance, or major value conflicts).
last paragraph- read: i blamed myself for the fact that a connection was made when they had a girlfriend. and now, all you in a relationship, i am taking that back. it is YOU. not us lonely singles dying to have an honest connection and meet someone special. it is you.
this weekend three friends and i were ALL blatantly mislead by potential suitors who had significant others. therefore, as connection hungry as i may be, there is NO way that this is MY problem. so what gives?
is it a sport? to have a significant other and go out to the bars and still hit on unsuspecting singles and then burn them, all while going home to your honey and laughing about it. is it because you are all into cheating on your significant others? cause… THAT points to a whole nother societal issue that we should address. is it that you miss the attention that you get from flirting with an attractive person at the bar? so you just do it anyways. is it that you are not happy in your relationship and you are exploring your options?
ok. honestly, i unfortunately know that it is all of the above. but you know what. STOP IT. just STOP.
there are rules to this game. and though some people like to break the rules, cheat, and win any way possible… most of us PLAY BY THE RULES. and getting screwed over by you rule breakers is sucky. period.
as much as i am completely happy being single. because it is a conscious choice to NOT get into a relationship that will for some reason lead me to hit on unsuspecting singles in the bar. being single is not easy. it is hard sometimes. and it’s just plain ol’ not fair for you to just dominate and sneak attack us in such a manner. and if for some reason you are hitting on me or one of my friends because you simply have not ever met anyone like us and we are amazing and life changing and you just couldn’t stop yourself. then just think. WE DIDN’T SETTLE. you did. you’re in a relationship that leads you to wander. and we are sticking it out. braving the world of singlehood and dating in hopes of meeting another amazing life changing soul to connect with.
so, i ask all of you in a relationship that have ever hit on someone to boost your ego, have a connection, get some physical attention, make a fool of someone, or whatever other reason you have- just act with positive intent. meaning act in a way that no one as to lose for you to win. a win win situation. for example, i know i’m irresistible and you never though you would ever meet someone like me and just have to have me in your life. and i’m cool with that. why don’t you tell me AND your girlfriend about it and then you know you’re acting with positive intent. or break up with your girlfriend and THEN talk to me- playing the same ‘will she ever go for me take chances on something worth taking chances on and play by the rules, hoping you’ll win’ game that the REST of us singles play by. and if you’re lucky you and i will have a connection that is formed after you are single. and if not. then bummer, try try again. like the rest of us. that is all.