are we playing different dating games?

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well i guess you left me with some feathers in my hand. did it make it any easier to leave me where i stand? why’d you leave me till i’m only good for… waiting, for you.

it’s all a game. and usually i’m ok with that. but recently, it’s just really been annoying me. i was speaking with a friend the other night. a friend that i have gotten to know because he has had a girlfriend(s) most of the time we have known each other. and therefore, his main focus is not sleeping with me, but just getting to know me. so we had our first analytical talk of the dating game. and his thoughts, though unbelievably clear, haven’t been sitting well.

we discussed the ‘levels’ of the dating game. show interest/connection. create an event that jeopardizes that connection (fully knowing that your ‘connection’ will pull through thus intensifying it) then show vulnerability. and boom. they are hooked. and you can get to know one another, and date. or end it if you so desire.

so i said to my friend ‘but how do you know if they are interested back?’ and he said, well, ‘they just always are.’ and this is where i am hung up. maybe its his confidence (cough cough) that got me thinking. or his assurance that the levels of ‘dating’ are the sure fire way, but it just seems off. like ingenuine, or something. to play that game without ever wondering if they will like you back. at what point does the ‘level’ of making yourself vulnerable become just that? a level, and the vulnerable part becomes only symbolic of actually being vulnerable?

vulnerability. the key to connection. letting your guard down. honestly. it allows you to learn about someone else, learn about yourself. so what does it mean when we start ‘faking’ such an important aspect in life and relationships? it seems as though the dating game then becomes purely sport. a way to make it through the levels for the win. not for the possible connection. and is this bad? or wrong? or naive of me to think that we do all date for connection. not for sport.

i suppose this means a few things. there seems to be a conflict of interests going on with the players of the dating world (and no wonder it keeps getting harder). when i’m in it for connection, and you are showing me vulnerability as a strategy to complete all your levels then we are playing two different games. and based on the nature of those games i would then be the loser. and, uh, that sucks. also, i believe in being vulnerable (apparently so much that i write to the world at large every little thought about my own pathetic dating life). and i think that the only way to grow and learn and do things genuinely is to understand what being vulnerable brings to your life.

so, i’m not sure where i’m going with this. but i feel frustrated that we are taking such an important thing/emotion/state of being thats entire purpose is to be genuine, and faking it to get ahead in a game that others don’t even know about.

so i ask you this. when you are chatting with that girl/guy at the bar, or party, or industry event with a purpose of going home with them ask yourself if a) you are being genuine, and b) they know which game you are playing (and if your vulnerability is just irony.)

all my innocence is wasted on the dead and dreaming.

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