competition just doesn’t fit

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you would seem so frail in the cold of the night when the armies of emotion go out to fight

ok. so i mentioned last post that i would be discussing the topic of competition. and so i will do just that. except, i am going to talk about competition in relation to apathy. because, well, that seems to be where i am right now.

it used to be that when i was out and about for a night on the town (cruising for dudes, ok, not really) and i saw an attractive boy i would do one or more of the following things: think about how i could get his attention, let my friends know that i am into him, initiate conversation, give him my number, get his number, make it a semi priority of the night to go through these steps.

and if for some reason, he would, say, be interested in one of my friends, or be blatantly not interested in me i would get disappointed. not mad at either said friend, or unknown boy. just get the ‘ugh’ factor. the, ‘oh of COURSE they like her,’ whomever she may be. it is natural. it’s natural to be disappointed when someone you are interested in (no matter the level of interaction between the two of you) is not interested back, and then even worse when they ARE interested in someone with which you are friends. it’s nothing against anyone in particular, just frustrating, especially after it happens a few or more times.

so, whether or not you and your friends intend to be competitive with one another, it is inevitable. you are out together, swimming in the same pool of potential daters. and the fact that you are friends means you probably like some of the same qualities in friends/dates and therefore it is entirely likely that you will not only be swimming in the same pool but towards the same buoy (yea, yea, you like that?).

and competition, in moderation, as most therapists will tell you, is healthy. it motivates us to be a better us. to try our hardest. yet, it is easy, especially for certain personality types to become overly competitive, most likely unconsciously. especially when it comes to dating. i mean, a) we are all trying to find the one, b) we all want to show possible suitors how great we are, and c) we know we have limited opportunity to do such, so we must make the most of it.

and because all of this is human nature, and happens in every single group of friends (cause that is what our dating culture has become, groups of singles going out to find other groups of singles) we don’t really ever stop and think about how unnatural this competition actually is when applied to dating.

so, merge this realization with my recent dating apathy, and we arrive back at one of my major all time truths of dating and relationships- there is something so inherent and human and animalistic and feeling filled about love, romance and attraction that one cannot help who he/she is interested in, falls for, or loves.

see the thing about competition(v.) (rather, the act of being competitive) that just contradicts all of the above is that it implies that the competitor has some influence on the outcome of the ‘competition(n.).’ and love and dating just don’t work like that. we are human, and though we (americans especially) place rationality on an impossibly high pedestal, feelings and emotionality play and EQUAL role in everything we do. and no matter how competitive and rational and calculating we become, none of that fits into dating.

so here i am, in my apathetic state, thinking that trying to get some one’s attention and trying to convince them to like you (whether it be at a bar, or someone you may know and like more intimately) is just um, well, to be blunt, pointless. you can’t help who you like, and neither can they.

and even more importantly. i am really beginning to understand that, with very few exceptions to the rule, at this age, if someone IS interested in you, they will most CERTAINLY make it clear in a way that you are sure to hear (all this without ever reading nor seeing ‘he’s just not that into you’). we are adults, and though we like to conveniently forget this fact (especially in regards to accountability), we are remarkably good at going after what we want. therefore, there seems to be no room, nor need for competition, of any type, in dating.

so forget this cruel world where I belong, i’ll just sit and wait and sing my song. and if one day you should see me in the crowd, lend a hand and lift me to your place in the cloud.

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