tears rolling down your face. the vapours all up in the place. guess i’m alive today at least, while i ventilate.
ten reasons why i’m still here…
i haven’t really been talking much about dating on here the last few days. for a few reasons. well, first, i’m not. dating that is. shocker. broken record on repeat over and over- SF dating is hard and different and weird and blah. there are tons of other reasons. mostly, since i’m doing nablopomo i thought maybe you’d get reallllly bored with dating and relationships and want to hear me talk about self awareness, astrology, personal growth and love. hah. well tough. you got that anyway.
but tonight i’m going to talk about a totally weird and totally normal thing that is part of dating, and mating. it’s funny, because i wrote a paper in college on this exact subject, and here i am about to use what i learned. i didn’t pay for that.
BO. as in body odor. we all have it. well, could. we wash prematurely to send it the message that it is not welcome. and we wear chemically created goo in our underarms to avoid emitting the odor when we are not washing. and perfume/cologne, we all wear that for different reasons. either way, in our culture, BO is just plain gross and stinky.
except when it is not. i will bet that, unless you were raised in a completely OCD household, and have a obvious lack of perspective in life, you’ve smelled someones BO and thought, oh, that’s not really that gross. it just…is. because we all emit pheromones, smells specific to our body chemistry, that mix well with others’. or don’t. and not so oddly, something that would smell super stinky to someone else, may not smell that stinkified to us.
and, applying a scientific perspective to love (mating, same thing right?) for moment, i can clearly see how this human ‘function’ would prove to be really very handy. some people have smells that you just can’t stand. and some have smells that you oddly enjoy, and may bring emotional/mental comfort of some sort. my ex had a smell so strong (not BO, just body chemistry) that after we broke up i had to wash my sheets three and four times until i could sleep. my mom has a comforter at her house that we used once at christmas during a visit and it held his smell for probably a year and a half after we broke up. we all have a personal scent. and that can sometimes, usually actually, include perfume, shampoo, lotion, laundry detergent… but even if it includes those outside scents, they are mixed with our body oils and chemistry to become “our smell.” and it’s these scents that help us unconsciously, at an genetic level, decipher who should and should not be our mate.
i have a friend that doesn’t wear deodorant. a thirty year old male friend that just doesn’t do it. he has decided that if someone can handle his man stench, then that’s a positive sign. and, mostly, i agree with him. there is something to be said about someones scent, even if it is BO.
this summer i had a rendezvous or two with a boy that one of my guy friends thought had terrible, no good BO. gag inducing BO. and though said boy rode his bike all day, walked barefoot in the park all too often, and wore the same clothes for days at a time, his smell never really bothered me (mind you i had witnessed the shower time, so i knew he wasn’t, in fact, completely dirty).
and last week, i was nearly, for lack of better word, intoxicated by the smell of a particular someones post bike ride sweat… more than once. i believe it is part of the bigger plan to help us attract a mate that is right for us.
smells. we have them. we are dirty, messy, living creatures that ooze and leak all sorts of questionably fragrant substances. so when they don’t bother you, and in fact may even entice you, you can know that you’ve at least got that right.
however, last night, the group of 5 grown, large, and hairy men next to me rocking out at the pixies shows were. not. that. case. i gagged more than once.
thanks for that, universe. the reminder that most of the boys in SF just plain stink.
you know i had my share of doubt, until i saw the vapours in your eyes.