so my friend and radio dj white menace posted this “Top 10 types of chicks you don’t want to date” blog this evening. and as someone that i’ve had at least a few dating conversations with, he must have known that i’d have something to say about this.
so instead of responding to his ten types of chicks- i’ll just go ahead and compile my own list. the top 10 types of boys you don’t want to date”
in no particular order, here we go.
1.the musician. listen ladies, unless he’s already on tour, and making enough money to afford showers while touring (a hotel room or the like) then he’s just a boy with a pipe dream. you think now that his band playing shows at your fav local venues is cute and exciting, but in three years, when you’ve smelled 75 too many nasty dive bar bathrooms, smoked 242 cartons of cigarettes via second hand smoke, and watched his buddy/band mate pick up 119 different college girls you’ll wish that you wouldn’t’ve wasted your every thrusday friday saturday monday tuesday and wednesday following his going nowhere hobby instead of living your own life.
2.the financial analyst. first of all, this guy never puts down his blackberry. he can’t honestly believe that some people have the audacity to leave the office before 8pm, and thinks that real businessmen can’t function with a phone that starts with an i. he’s always late for midweek dinner dates, and makes you feel like nothing is as important as the deal he’s closing on that tuesday night. every tuesday night. ’nuff said.
3.the guy with bangs longer than yours. ok, we all know that justin bieber is a preteen sensation that will pass. let’s think back to other teen idols that inspired hair trends that we can clearly call mistakes- joey lawrence, the hanson bros (ok, i was totally in love with that hair, but what did i know?), zack morris. got it? if his bangs are longer than yours, he has to flip his head nine times to be able to see, and god forbid FLAT IRONS HIS BANGS- run. just run.
4.the frat boy. ok, we’ve all be to college, college parties, or a jersey shore pub crawl. beer pong was fun when we could use our age as a reason to be stupid enough to admit drinking for no other reason than getting completely obliterated. leaving the marina at 2 am to go play beer pong is never a good idea. (learn this one from my mistake, please)
5.the unemployed. yes, i know the status of our economy. and yes i know that trying to find a job is crazy difficult right now. but i don’t need to be supporting you. and i know that you think i’m groovy, and want to hang out other places than the couch watching movies. but those other places cost money. not to mention the weird uncalled for insecurity you get when i pay because you resent not only my paying job, but my managerial status and adult income bracket. sorry boys. i don’t do well with projected resentment.
6.the wanderlust. we all love those days where we leave the house in the morning and go where the wind takes us- usually including dolores park, a liquor store, zeitgeist, a shared bathroom stall, the grocery store frozen food isle, and possibly a strangers bedroom. and those days create fond memories. but we wake up and go back to normal life. if this sounds like normal life then we need not talk. see number 5.
7.the heartbroken. nothing is worse than coaching your date through his heartbreak from another girl. boys if you are not ready to date, then DON’T DATE. it’s hard enough for me to keep my confidence after years of failed dates, but when you ask me out, and then three neat whiskeys in you confess that you still love her, and would do anything to have her back, i have no other option but to pity you, and invalidate my own feelings of frustration. enough boys, move on. she did.
8.the ‘avoid the DTR at all costs’ guy. dudes, there is a point where we MUST Define the Relationship. i know this is SF, and peter pan syndrome runs as rampant as new start-ups. but guess what? when we are seeing each other for three months it is NOT unreasonable to want to know where we stand. because believe it or not, we’re not all waiting with baited breathe for you to commit to us. in fact, most of the time, if you’re not looking for what we are, we want out. but we need to know what you’re looking for to make that call. have relationships already. get over yourself and what you think are your options.
9.the guy that is still friends with the same group of friends he had in high school. listen, i know you’ve been through a lot together, but going out with a group of people and hearing stories from 12 years ago gets old. and no girl wants to feel like she’s got to compete with that history to simply be able to join the conversation. we all have friends that we’ve known since high school. but there are A TON of other people in this world that DIDN’T happen to live within 19 mile radius of where our parents bought a house. and some of them are awesome. so open your eyes.
10.and last but not least the guy that knows everything about you because he’s been following you on twitter, tumblr, friendfeed, and flickr for a year. hey guy, relationships are about SHARING. not consuming. when you already know, or think you know, everything about me that means the relationship is over. there is nothing else to discuss. so try not to stalk me online if you actually want to date me. and try asking me about ME. and maybe i’ll ask you about you. and we’ll create a RELATIONSHIP.
i wish these didn’t come to me so easily. but, well, they did. they all just happened to be in my brain. i wonder why.
now of course we know that there are exaggerations. and most importantly, i have compassion for you if you happen to be one, or any combination of the above guys. i just don’t recommend dating you. and i think it’s clear why.