music and feelings and sunshine and things

so this month i went to sxsw. not my first sxsw, but my first time staying through music. i wasn’t going to, and then i realized that the reason i wasn’t going to was because (unconsciously) i thought that if i wanted to do something so badly, then i probably shouldn’t. i mean, what? what not old, self sufficient, money-making, music loving, fun craving person would rule out all things fun because having that much fun couldn’t be responsible. responsible for who? i have no idea. thank GOD i came to my senses and decided to stay for music (as well as make some pretty big life changes [some yet to come] out of this OMGICANDOWHATEVERIWANTANDIMALLOWEDTOBEHAPPY epiphany)

anyway. it was amazing. probably because i just did what i wanted the whole time. i flew solo a lot of it, because there was music i wanted to hear, and bands i wanted to see, regardless of what anyone wanted to do. forget the drinking, the partying, the spring break shenanigans, the cute boys… ok, wait, don’t forget the cute boys, i was there to just be in sunshine music heaven. and my mission was accomplished. with a lot of cute boys added it.

i came back more obsessed with music than ever. so obviously i had to make a mix to share!

this mix is about 80% bands i saw at sxsw and the rest just damn good new music that i couldn’t not put on here. i’ve included two SF bands that played at our SF Embassy Showcase at sxsw- geographer and the frail because they are great.

there’s a lot of stuff on here that came out today (you’re welcome) and a lot of stuff that didn’t. basically it’s like the greatest mix ever, and if you don’t think so, you’re wrong. ( :) ) most importantly if you like a song/band GO BUY THEIR ALBUM!!

with that, i dedicate this mix, postsxswmusicmania, to all the very wonderful, awkward, cute, shy, sensitive musician boys out there. they remind me everyday that people feel, care, and are cute. and that i’m allowed to swoon. because, i love you all.

postsxswmusicmania (click me! click me!)

(i’m lazy, so yes you get  screen shot of my itunes folder for the track listing)

…and she took out her shoelaces

i’ve been on a mixtape making rampage lately. maybe it’s my way of feeling feelings, or contrastly, avoiding my own by channeling someone else’s… or i just like music, a lot. either way, here’s another for your listening pleasure.

it’s pretty awesome if i do say so myself.

…and she took out her shoelaces (click to download)

track listing:

badaboom- tapes ‘n tapes
fader- the temper trap
idiot heart- sunset rubdown
take off your sunglasses- ezra furman and the harpoons
waiting on you- sun airway
know better learn faster – thao with the get down stay down
an ear for baby- the thermals
not sick- tokyo police club
dlz- tv on the radio
becoming a jackal- villagers
red letter day- the get up kids
we’ve been had- the walkmen
16 days (acoustic)- whiskeytown
smithsonian liver- hot rod circuit
what a drag- bear hands
strictly game- harlem shakes
heat & hot water- arms
this bed- horse feathers
understand at all- cloud nothings
bruises to prove it- say hi
helplessness blues- fleet foxes
onion- sean hayes
answer to yourself- the soft pack

great lakes, great times.

i grew up outside of detroit. and the longer i’m gone, the more proud i am to call it home.

not many people who have never visited the city, or great mitten state would have any clue of just what a wonderful place it is.

detroit has the heart of a midwesterner, enough soul and groove to keep motown alive for centuries, and a little sass to keep things interesting.

i took this the night before i left town in july. i was driving from my dad’s house to my mom’s, staring at the sky the entire way. then i remembered that my camera was in the back. i pulled over along the 2 mile drive and tried my best to capture the feeling. this doesn’t even begin to instill the comfort and warmth of that moment.

went i was home for the week in july i decided to spend the day downtown taking photos. capturing what it is about detroit that consumes my heart.

i’ll post some of those, but right now i am craving this. this sunset. this 80 degrees at 10 pm. this warmth. and green. and homeness.

it’s about filling the funnel of life.

she said, “well, take off your sunglasses…” i said, “oh baby why don’t you take off your sunglasses.” she said, “i already have.”

good ole 010 started by me saying thank you to the UNI… and having my dating button reset. and since, things have been, well, amazing.

partly because of my 2010 mott0: just say yes.

it’s that simple. my bff and i have decided to live a life of joy, fun, and spontaneity by just saying yes to anything that we are hesitant about. just say yes. if there is ever a moment of hesitation, just say yes. that’s what life is about.

you see, this bff and i met one fateful lord’s day last spring, and in ‘very true to every moment of our friendship’ fashion we met at the park on easter sunday on a sunscreen borrowing mission, and ended up serendipitously running into one another 4 hours of bar hopping later, at zeitgeist, where i promptly forced her to join us and be friends. at that moment we became the official co-founders and co-captains of Team Fun (llc.). and all was good.

well, you see life got a little in the middle of us for a few months in oh9, and my newbff and i weren’t hanging as much as we’d like- but the uni must have heard my request in january because my nbff was returned to me! and she was EXACTLY what i needed for 010.

you see, she’s amazing. she’s smart, successful, beautiful, outgoing, energetic, and willing to ride the waves of life, take chances, and most importantly…date.

she’s the epitome of a sales woman on top of her game. and she applies her sales theories to life and dating everyday. “it’s a numbers game…” she says. “you’ve got to fill the funnel for everything to play out into something great and amazing. the more opportunities you put in the funnel the closer you are to finding the best one! and, you get to meet some amazing people along the way.”

now we all know i’ve had quite the time meeting suitable gentlemen callers, but not when i’m with my bff (the new has since been dropped, duh). i’m the steph i used to be. the outgoing, carefree, try anything, open to connection with anyone- ‘let’s go!’- steph. and god.it.feels.good.

so you know what? i take it all back. there are a TON of guys in SF to date. i was just going through life with dark sunglasses, old habits and jadeness shading my view.

so starting now, 010 is the year of filling the funnel. of meeting as many new people as i can. of giving guys a chance, opening to every connection i possibly can. because… why not?!

yea 2010, i’m ready to wake everyday to everything you want to give me, bff by my side. i’m attracting good and amazing things from here on out. because that’s how it should be. and what i now see that i deserve. and the uni is here to give us what we deserve.

i’m going to feel and love and connect and trust and be loved. for all of me. cause really, that’s easy.

i’m ready for it uni, and i love you. thanks for my bff and the inspiration. <3

i said, “baby, oh, that’s like me asking you to take out your shoe laces…” so she took out her shoelaces.

keeping with the honesty, even if it’s scary.

you could say it’s my instinct, yes, I still have one. there’s no time to second guess it. yes there are things that i’m still so afraid of … but my courage is roaring like the sound of the sun.

here it is, what seems like the requisite “airplane ride home from new orleans processing life” post.

recently, i’ve had a few separate things happen which i described later as “not knowing how much i needed that until it was given to me.” and i’m sure this stems from working through my minor issues around ‘feeling’ and ‘needing.’ the thing about these silly issues that that there are two levels to actually work through. first, there is actually allowing and admitting to myself the feeling or need. second, the conversation about or expression of those needs and feelings with whom you hope to validate or fulfill them. and all of this plays out practically in my life as me trying to stop my ‘play it cool’ (ie: have no needs) attitude with people i care about.

that’s where getting something i didn’t even know i needed comes in this time: the initiation of a tricky, feelingful conversation that needed to be had (that i never would have actually had if not for his initiation). mostly because it was a conversation about a need (that i wasn’t allowing my self to need).

anyway, in this feeling centric conversation i reacted with my typical mode of operation: play it cool. i didn’t respond, in the conversation. i reacted. without conscious choice in the matter (i even thought, ugh, why am i saying this?). but in this conversation, my ‘play it cool’ flat out lie (to myself and him) was not taken at face value. it was actually met with understanding. and then i was called on my bullshit.

he didn’t take ‘play it cool’ as an option. and he called me on my bullshit in a perfectly kind and understanding way that actually allowed me to open up. and discuss my feelings honestly. and he cared enough to get to that point. he didn’t take the easy way out, initiate a conversation about needs and feelings because he knew it was the right thing- but then jump on any chance to end the conversation before having to discuss them. Read the rest of this entry »