recently i switched mobile phone carriers. it was a stressful transition. and took coaching from many. being with a cell phone company for 7 years is like an intense relationships that you have to break off in stages. it’s like it started out all sunshine and roses with a cute little blue rubber flip phone. and service for miles and miles. and family plans. and free mobile to mobile calls to long distance BFs. and then one of you move across the country and the other one is punishing you for getting new friends and wanting to talk to them on the phone. and actually be able to make AND receive calls in your *gasp* home. and the other one just keeps teasing you with the memory of the good times. and cheap “loyalty- unlimited rates.” manipulating you into thinking that you could never afford unlimited everything from another carrier.
well, i made the switch. and it’s been a month. and it’s been fine. great even. except for today. because today i remembered 139 minutes too late that i no longer have an unlimited talk plan. because, in fact, i couldn’t really afford it. and i used so few on my old carrier that i figured all would be fine. oh right, i used so little because i didn’t have SERVICE IN MY HOUSE. which meant that I COULDN’T TALK ON MY PHONE TO USE THOSE MINUTES.
i digress. today was one of those twilightzone days. where for the majority of the day, i actually felt like i was living my life outside myself. and watching what was actually happening thinking… wait… is this happening? aren’t i supposed to be thinking that this is weird? but then continue anyway.
you see, today i talked on the phone with TWO, count em, TWO friends that i had NEVER before talked with on the phone. one of the conversations was an hour and a half. and the other 35 minutes. and guess what. it wasn’t weird. it was perfect.
technology has made us all (well, not all, thanks friends) scared to do the one thing that comes the most naturally to humans. connect. and talk. we’ve created a million different ways to actually avoid connecting with the invention of texting, facebooking, direct messaging, blah blah blah.
i remember staying up all night talking on the phone in eighth grade. i had my own phone line. and i used it. i have no idea what i found to talk about for 7 hours a night. but it didn’t matter. i was connecting. to my best friend, or the boy a had a crush on, or new friend. and when the phone rang, i didn’t actually know who was on the other line. and it DIDN’T give me so much anxiety that i let every call go to my answering machine. no, i answered the phone… never thinking, why is HE calling me? and i didn’t get all weird. and not know how to talk. or worry about what to talk about. or carrying the conversation if there was an awkward silence. i just connected.
well, somewhere along the path of overwhelmed with constant stimulation technology revolution i forgot how to connect. and have been slowly trying to regain that ability. and not avoid checking my voicemails for 3 weeks because then i would have to call someone back. and not let my friends go to voicemail because i wasn’t expecting them to call, so i can’t possibly imagine what they want, so i want to hear it in recorded form, not live so that i don’t have to respond right away.
because guess what. talking on the phone with someone you like (non romantic and romantically) is amazing. it’s like a little piece of heaven. it’s real connection. and it’s not awkward. and there’s NOTHING to worry about. it doesn’t matter that you’ve never talked on the phone. you’re not going to run out of things to say (honestly, i feel like i’m in an opposite day universe when admitting that this is one of my most common phone fears). and when the conversation is over. that’s ok.
today i used up a quarter of my monthly minute allowance. why? because i didn’t even think about those minutes as they were passing. and i enjoyed connecting with people that i wanted to talk to. talking on the phone with someone for the first time is exhilarating. you get to hear their phone voice. and be surprised that it’s totally not what you thought it’d be like. and you get to create a rhythm and flow to the conversation. a unique pattern of tone and inflection and pauses true only to the two of you. and you get to listen. and care.
today i received a 6:15am phone call from someone that i’d never spoken to on the phone before. i have text log for miles. but never pressed ‘dial.’ actually, the call was a response to a text i sent when i woke up. assuming that he’d receive it when he woke, because no one i know is actually as crazy as i am to be at work by 7am. and as i was putting my kettle on for coffee my phone rang. and i looked, and though, what? 6:15 am? why is HE calling me? and in my general confused, possibly hungover, and foggy state i didn’t over think, or analyze, or wait to hear the voicemail. i answered the damn phone. and proceed to talk for an hour and a half. all the way through getting ready for and driving to work. and it was just enjoyable. and calm. and not awkward. nor boring. it was real connection.
a few hours later, i received a message from another friend. a friend whose correspondence has only been in person, or in writing. she said let’s arrange a call, i have an update. i said, still thrown from my previous intense monday morning connection call, ok. and she called. and dove right it. there was no awkward “we’ve never talked on the phone before, is it going to be weird?” moment. why not? because THAT IS A CRAZY WEIRD THING I’VE MADE UP IN MY HEAD. we’ve been talking on the phone for years. and it works. easily. and it’s really really nice.
so today, friends, i thank you. for reminding me of how ‘connected’ actually feels. and shutting up my awkward obsession for the day. and for calling. i can’t wait to do it again…. i just think i’ll have to up my monthly ‘peak’ minutes.
also, at lunch, while processing my morning call i remembered this article i read a few weeks ago. and the world came full circle once again. talk deeply, be happy.
she said, “well, take off your sunglasses…” i said, “oh baby why don’t you take off your sunglasses.” she said, “i already have.”
good ole 010 started by me saying thank you to the UNI… and having my dating button reset. and since, things have been, well, amazing.
partly because of my 2010 mott0: just say yes.
it’s that simple. my bff and i have decided to live a life of joy, fun, and spontaneity by just saying yes to anything that we are hesitant about. just say yes. if there is ever a moment of hesitation, just say yes. that’s what life is about.
you see, this bff and i met one fateful lord’s day last spring, and in ‘very true to every moment of our friendship’ fashion we met at the park on easter sunday on a sunscreen borrowing mission, and ended up serendipitously running into one another 4 hours of bar hopping later, at zeitgeist, where i promptly forced her to join us and be friends. at that moment we became the official co-founders and co-captains of Team Fun (llc.). and all was good.
well, you see life got a little in the middle of us for a few months in oh9, and my newbff and i weren’t hanging as much as we’d like- but the uni must have heard my request in january because my nbff was returned to me! and she was EXACTLY what i needed for 010.
you see, she’s amazing. she’s smart, successful, beautiful, outgoing, energetic, and willing to ride the waves of life, take chances, and most importantly…date.
she’s the epitome of a sales woman on top of her game. and she applies her sales theories to life and dating everyday. “it’s a numbers game…” she says. “you’ve got to fill the funnel for everything to play out into something great and amazing. the more opportunities you put in the funnel the closer you are to finding the best one! and, you get to meet some amazing people along the way.”
now we all know i’ve had quite the time meeting suitable gentlemen callers, but not when i’m with my bff (the new has since been dropped, duh). i’m the steph i used to be. the outgoing, carefree, try anything, open to connection with anyone- ‘let’s go!’- steph. and god.it.feels.good.
so you know what? i take it all back. there are a TON of guys in SF to date. i was just going through life with dark sunglasses, old habits and jadeness shading my view.
so starting now, 010 is the year of filling the funnel. of meeting as many new people as i can. of giving guys a chance, opening to every connection i possibly can. because… why not?!
yea 2010, i’m ready to wake everyday to everything you want to give me, bff by my side. i’m attracting good and amazing things from here on out. because that’s how it should be. and what i now see that i deserve. and the uni is here to give us what we deserve.
i’m going to feel and love and connect and trust and be loved. for all of me. cause really, that’s easy.
i’m ready for it uni, and i love you. thanks for my bff and the inspiration. <3
i’d like to rest my heavy head tonight on a bed of california stars. i’d like to lay my weary bones tonight, on a bed of california stars.
i’ve talked about my inherent need for travel. it’s like the spin cycle to my daily wash. i can live life without it, but i’m a big dripping sloppy mess. it clears my head, wrings me out, and leaves me fresh and clean for more daily use.
and most of the time, this travel includes some form of spending time with someone that i care immensely about. lately, that someone (or someones) live in the locale that i am visiting. as opposed to traveling to a locale with someone in which i care about and with which want to spend time. which means i get my fill of spin cycle rejuvenation, but it comes only at a cost of having to say goodbye. and though the cost of having to say goodbye does not outweigh the benefit of spending time, it’s still a little thorn in the heart that seems to be getting deeper and deeper.
mostly, i am blessed to have friends that live across the country. good friends. true friends. connected friends. i could essentially visit any (cool) place in the US and have a friend to visit, stay with, see, or at the very last resort, accompany me. and for a travel bug like me, this is more valuable than endless quarters to do my laundry.
i suppose it is the nature of those friendships that make me able to visit in the first place- good, true, and connected. but the relational foundation being so positive and important, means that there are equally as strong feelings of icky, false, and disconnection when leaving those friends.
and as i wrote about feeling alone last week, i looked forward to a thanksgiving week spent with the type of friends that are as close to family as friends can get.
but as the week came to a close today, i was ultimately filled with a sense of loss, and sadness to say goodbye. because the thing about friends as close as family is that they chose you. they chose to continue relationships with you, and therefore they chose to accept you. as you. if we are lucky, we are able to define family as people who accept us exactly as we are. but we do acknowledge that family is one of the most uncontrolled relationships in life. so, having friends as close as family denotes almost a higher (well, different) level of importance and acceptance. because, we could have chosen to disengage from that relationship anytime, unaccept the people with whom we are in friendship, and we didn’t.
therefore, seeing these ‘friends as close as family’ fills me up with hope and courage to continue being me, continue moving forward when it seems like no one cares if i move mountains or if i stand still. but this makes saying goodbye to those friends that much harder.
this year i am thankful for my connections across the nation, or world for that matter. thankful for those genuine times of goodness spent with people when i was not worried about being something else, or being misunderstood. or more importantly, when i was worried, and those connections solidified that there was no need.
i’d love to feel your hand touching mine and tell me why i must keep working on…so I’d give this world just to dream a dream with you on our bed of california stars.
broke his own heart, poured it in the ground, big red tree grew up and out, throw up its leaves, spins round and round.
ok, you know those songs that you hear, usually on the radio or at a place in which you do not control the music, and they make you instantly in the moment. like nothing else matters. like nearly thirty years of life just hit you right then. and you are soaking it in. and don’t want it to end. you know those songs?
i heard one of them last night. and since then i have just been in love with my moment. because, really, the feeling that started during the song hasn’t left.
it was 7:37pm, i was at bevmo in carlsbad california with @tjferrara and his father. after working a busy day at work, i had flown from san francisco to the orange county airport, was scooped up by tj, and within 6 minutes of getting in the car i was watching ‘the carter documentary’ about lil wayne in the front seat of his prius. an hour and a half later we were at the grocery store, meeting @tiffanyleonard and tj’s parents (in from detroit). ten minutes later i had departed with the men and at bevmo we arrived.
after wandering with the snarky tjferrara in search of his pops, we arrived at the wall of pinot noir. and i heard this song.
and everything was put into perspective. here i am. in my life. living in california. spending thanksgiving in california. without my family. blood family. feeling like if i couldn’t be with my family, i couldn’t really imagine being with any other people than tiffany and tj. and tj’s parents. because i have known them for so long, they might as well be family. and yea, we that have moved away from ‘home’ often say that our friends are our ‘family,’ but this is for real. genuine love, acceptance, fun, laughs, and ‘this is the grown up life we used to talk about in my bedroom while staying up late in middle school.’ we are adults. and will always be in each other’s lives. and someday, i won’t be the single third wheel asking tj if he has any single male friends that are his clone. but until then, it’s still just perfect.
this is what the holidays are about. living that adult life that you used to imagine when you were in middle school. with those people that you care for and love like family. that aren’t going anywhere.
