being super excited and then doubting from fear…

on june third i tweeted the following, because it happened to me:

@stephdub: it’s so funny how fear and doubt can creep in to make us question something that we are batshit excited about. ENOUGH! Banish! I’m AWESOME!

i used this tweet in effort to step away from unneeded and unwanted fear about something so that i was so excited about. and it worked. i went forward with what i was feeling insecure about. and LET ME TELL YOU, IT WORKED. SOME AWESOME RESULTS came directly from ignoring the fear. and embracing the excitement.

a few days later i was having an amazing conversation about synchronicity with a close friend. and we were talking about how we often dismiss signs from the universe, or where ever, as coincidence. and in fact, nothing is coincidence. it’s all connected. and the more we begin to notice the signs. the more they come. and the more positive things continue to happen.

i get a daily email called the dailyOM. it’s great. it’s a little piece of perspective in my inbox everyday.  today i was reading my dailyOMs from the last few days, and what do i find? THIS.

synchronicity, my dear friends. it’s all a sign.

June 8, 2010
Translating Our Feelings
Are You Excited Or Scared?

Often times when trying something new, we feel scared when in actuality we may be excited. Reframe your thoughts.

When new challenges and opportunities show up in our lives, we may diagnose ourselves as feeling scared when what we really feel is excited. Often we have not been taught how to welcome the thrill of a new opportunity, and so we opt to back off, indulging our anxiety instead of awakening our courage. One way to inspire ourselves to embrace the opportunities that come our way is to look more deeply into our feelings and see that butterflies in our stomach or a rapidly beating heart are not necessarily a sign that we are afraid. Those very same feelings can be translated as excitement, curiosity, passion, and even love.

There is nothing wrong with being afraid as long as we do not let it stop us from doing the things that excite us. Most of us assume that brave people are fearless, but the truth is that they are simply more comfortable with fear because they face it on a regular basis. The more we do this, the more we feel excitement in the face of challenges rather than anxiety. The more we cultivate our ability to move forward instead of backing off, the more we trust ourselves to be able to handle the new opportunity, whether it’s a new job, an exciting move, or a relationship. When we feel our fear, we can remind ourselves that maybe we are actually just excited. We can assure ourselves that this opportunity has come our way because we are meant to take it.

Framing things just a little differently can dramatically shift our mental state from one of resistance to one of openness. We can practice this new way of seeing things by saying aloud: I am really excited about this job interview. I am really looking forward to going on a date with this amazing person. I am excited to have the opportunity to do something I have never done before. As we do this, we will feel our energy shift from fear, which paralyzes, to excitement, which empowers us to direct all that energy in the service of moving forward, growing, and learning.

it’s about filling the funnel of life.

she said, “well, take off your sunglasses…” i said, “oh baby why don’t you take off your sunglasses.” she said, “i already have.”

good ole 010 started by me saying thank you to the UNI… and having my dating button reset. and since, things have been, well, amazing.

partly because of my 2010 mott0: just say yes.

it’s that simple. my bff and i have decided to live a life of joy, fun, and spontaneity by just saying yes to anything that we are hesitant about. just say yes. if there is ever a moment of hesitation, just say yes. that’s what life is about.

you see, this bff and i met one fateful lord’s day last spring, and in ‘very true to every moment of our friendship’ fashion we met at the park on easter sunday on a sunscreen borrowing mission, and ended up serendipitously running into one another 4 hours of bar hopping later, at zeitgeist, where i promptly forced her to join us and be friends. at that moment we became the official co-founders and co-captains of Team Fun (llc.). and all was good.

well, you see life got a little in the middle of us for a few months in oh9, and my newbff and i weren’t hanging as much as we’d like- but the uni must have heard my request in january because my nbff was returned to me! and she was EXACTLY what i needed for 010.

you see, she’s amazing. she’s smart, successful, beautiful, outgoing, energetic, and willing to ride the waves of life, take chances, and most importantly…date.

she’s the epitome of a sales woman on top of her game. and she applies her sales theories to life and dating everyday. “it’s a numbers game…” she says. “you’ve got to fill the funnel for everything to play out into something great and amazing. the more opportunities you put in the funnel the closer you are to finding the best one! and, you get to meet some amazing people along the way.”

now we all know i’ve had quite the time meeting suitable gentlemen callers, but not when i’m with my bff (the new has since been dropped, duh). i’m the steph i used to be. the outgoing, carefree, try anything, open to connection with anyone- ‘let’s go!’- steph. and god.it.feels.good.

so you know what? i take it all back. there are a TON of guys in SF to date. i was just going through life with dark sunglasses, old habits and jadeness shading my view.

so starting now, 010 is the year of filling the funnel. of meeting as many new people as i can. of giving guys a chance, opening to every connection i possibly can. because… why not?!

yea 2010, i’m ready to wake everyday to everything you want to give me, bff by my side. i’m attracting good and amazing things from here on out. because that’s how it should be. and what i now see that i deserve. and the uni is here to give us what we deserve.

i’m going to feel and love and connect and trust and be loved. for all of me. cause really, that’s easy.

i’m ready for it uni, and i love you. thanks for my bff and the inspiration. <3

i said, “baby, oh, that’s like me asking you to take out your shoe laces…” so she took out her shoelaces.

keeping with the honesty, even if it’s scary.

you could say it’s my instinct, yes, I still have one. there’s no time to second guess it. yes there are things that i’m still so afraid of … but my courage is roaring like the sound of the sun.

here it is, what seems like the requisite “airplane ride home from new orleans processing life” post.

recently, i’ve had a few separate things happen which i described later as “not knowing how much i needed that until it was given to me.” and i’m sure this stems from working through my minor issues around ‘feeling’ and ‘needing.’ the thing about these silly issues that that there are two levels to actually work through. first, there is actually allowing and admitting to myself the feeling or need. second, the conversation about or expression of those needs and feelings with whom you hope to validate or fulfill them. and all of this plays out practically in my life as me trying to stop my ‘play it cool’ (ie: have no needs) attitude with people i care about.

that’s where getting something i didn’t even know i needed comes in this time: the initiation of a tricky, feelingful conversation that needed to be had (that i never would have actually had if not for his initiation). mostly because it was a conversation about a need (that i wasn’t allowing my self to need).

anyway, in this feeling centric conversation i reacted with my typical mode of operation: play it cool. i didn’t respond, in the conversation. i reacted. without conscious choice in the matter (i even thought, ugh, why am i saying this?). but in this conversation, my ‘play it cool’ flat out lie (to myself and him) was not taken at face value. it was actually met with understanding. and then i was called on my bullshit.

he didn’t take ‘play it cool’ as an option. and he called me on my bullshit in a perfectly kind and understanding way that actually allowed me to open up. and discuss my feelings honestly. and he cared enough to get to that point. he didn’t take the easy way out, initiate a conversation about needs and feelings because he knew it was the right thing- but then jump on any chance to end the conversation before having to discuss them. Read the rest of this entry »

“you can’t stop a story being told…”

connection with people that get it? yes, please.

You’re what keeps me believing the world’s not gone dead, strength in my bones put the words in my head.

so far, twothousandandten is going pretty well. in a, holy hell my intuition seems to be spot on. all the time way. in an exciting, rejuvenating, energizing way.

the last little bit, plus some, of 2009 i was feeling, well… unconnected. with friends. life. goals. love. all of it. and i’m sure a full two week vacation had something to do with it, but it’s like i woke up in 010 (oh-one-oh) and instantly felt that spark for life again. connected. purposeful. hopeful. ready. and willing.

and immediately things started happening. well, i started making them happen. and planning for the year. planning for a really really good year. this is it.

and oddly, as universally connected things have been, two separate conversations left me thinking lately. wondering at what place am i on this twisty turny road of life.

this weekend i was having a conversation with someone that i don’t know very well. and this was almost the context for a ’small talk’/superficial conversation. you know, “hey how are you? happy new year, yea it was good. what are you up to the rest of the weekend…” and so forth. but the content of this conversation was real. and genuine. and actually about real goal setting and making things happen. in life. and refreshing and great.

essentially, the things i seriously get off on every single day of life. and i left the conversation, with someone that i don’t yet know very well, thinking… wait. what did i say? why did i say that? we were talking about planning for success in 2010, making things happen. but thinking about them and being strategic. not just going through the year hoping things will go well. and i said,” yep, it’s going to be a good year, but you gotta act for the universe to bring you what you want.” and he said (something like), “yea, but you have to plan it too.” and i said, “yea, plan and then act, you have to step out of the fear and just start doing, so the universe can deliver.” he, “right, but you have to think through what you want to do, or nothing will happen. you have to think about, and then act. not just go on without planning.” and then there was, ‘good luck planning 010.’ and that was that.

and i left the conversation thinking, wait. that’s so not like me. i sounded like just another person going through life unconscious of what’s happening around. just ‘act’ing. why didn’t i say, ‘yep, you have to think about stuff. and be conscious in your actions.” it’s like the concept of conscious acting just slipped my mind. ummm, WHAT?! Read the rest of this entry »