not many people who have never visited the city, or great mitten state would have any clue of just what a wonderful place it is.

detroit has the heart of a midwesterner, enough soul and groove to keep motown alive for centuries, and a little sass to keep things interesting.

i took this the night before i left town in july. i was driving from my dad’s house to my mom’s, staring at the sky the entire way. then i remembered that my camera was in the back. i pulled over along the 2 mile drive and tried my best to capture the feeling. this doesn’t even begin to instill the comfort and warmth of that moment.

went i was home for the week in july i decided to spend the day downtown taking photos. capturing what it is about detroit that consumes my heart.

i’ll post some of those, but right now i am craving this. this sunset. this 80 degrees at 10 pm. this warmth. and green. and homeness.

So, do *YOU* want me as your next community manager, on-air/screen personality, content producer, brand manager, writer…or something of the like?!

This is why you should want ME:

I have a Master’s of Arts in Communication (focus in Organizational and Intercultural Comm), host of a talk radio show, have experience in radio production, writing, qualitative research, corporate HR, performance management, change management, adult education/learning and development, project management, interpersonal and professional coaching, communication coaching, team leadership, people leadership, operational process implementation, and much more!

I’m also a certified Imago Relationship Educator and study dating, relationships, interpersonal communication and new/social media.

So! If you, or anyone you know think that I’m perfect for your online/broadcast media position, writing gig, brand/user research slot, community engagement specialist, culture change manager or anything of the like please let me know…I’m ready!

stephaniedub@gmail.com

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Not convinced, or sure you could benefit from my awesome? Why hire me? Because I get it, and based on the following, AOL saw that too. As the initial application process they asked us for two 200 word essays, one about ourselves and one about business and social media.

This is what I answered:

Tell us why you are perfect for the position (50% strategic adviser to the CEO about new products, features, experience, 50% Social Community Engagement Star)

Well, you said you cared what my friends think, so I decided to have THEM tell you why I’m perfect for this job. Not to worry, I didn’t skew the results by telling them why I needed their descriptions. I could sit here and list all the phenomenal things about me that make me the perfect candidate for the position, like having a Master’s Degree in Organizational and Cultural Communication, my impeccable tact, innovative strategic mind, influential managerial skills, and uncanny ability to connect with anyone… no, I won’t weigh their words with my personal opinion. I’ll let you hear it from them.

I posted the following on Twitter and Facebook: “Friends IRL and followers, please please help!! If you could describe/define me with a word or phrase (or a few) what would it (they) be?!”

And here are their answers, with no baiting, describing your perfect candidate:

Ebullient analytical extrovert. “Top of the phone chain.” Hopeful. Emphatic. Boisterously fun! Phenomenal laugh. Spirited. VIVACIOUS! Dubalicious! Authentic. Driven, engaging, a force of nature. Brassy! Down home genuine with authentic urban edge. Rosy, curly, springy, energy. Dreamy and enchanting. Perceptive. Vivacious [yes, again!]!

Perfectly yours,

Steph “charisma, insight and ambition” Dub

In 200 words or less, tell us how social media is changing the way people and businesses communicate (English only, please)

Humans need to connect. It’s what makes us different from other mammals. We connect, and we care. Care about what other people think, feel, and need. Social media provides the ultimate outlet for connection. It allows us to cross previously impermeable barriers to connection such as proximity, social status, and time. It allows us to feel important; heard; understood. That we matter; our opinion matters. This consequently dictates the need for a fresh economic model. Supply and demand is a well oiled framework based on rational variables that’s worked well for us. Until now. Social media has constructed a space for emotional influence in a previously rational economy. Our connections through social media validate our thoughts, feelings and needs; they validate our voice. For the the first time, anyone has access to influence the media. To contribute and be heard. This is a game changer for the ever shifting dichotomy between culturally determined media and media dictated society. As businesses contend to survive in the supply and demand competition they look towards media to provide insight on society’s desires. Social media has opened a direct line of communication between consumer and product. And the results are yet to be seen…

on tuesday, june third (according to gmail) i started making some notes for a post that i wanted to write. a list, really, it was going be about all the things that i really like about boys. or, i like boys that do/have/are these things.

and last week, i read [Redacted] Guy’s “Ten Things Women Do That Men Love” and i suddenly remembered that i was writing a similar post!

in honor of swoon, dating, connection, and smiles i’ve decided to tell you all the things we (well, i) love about you, boys.

*when you dress up.
i know you hate it, and this is one of those times where you really probably do have it worse than us, but you look great. sexy. really sexy. not that i don’t love you in your favorite tee-shit from college with all its holes that permanently smells of you no matter how many times you wash it. i like that too. there is just something that is incredibly attractive, sexy, and comforting about a guy in a suit and tie. maybe it reveals my secret love for certain old school acts of gentlemanhood. but you seem more confident, formal and in control when you’re dressed up (don’t tell my feminist self i said any of this!). like you could saunter calmly past the antagonist at a high brow cocktail party, handsome attire covering your strategic mind racing intelligence, as you conceive a plan to guarantee my safe departure of said party pre-bomb deployment. that kind of control. girls like the bad-boys, but what we like even more? someone that can fight like the bad boys while functioning perfectly in normal society. just know, when you’re worried about sweating your face off at that outdoor wedding in the 95 degree heat, and i’m complaining of how my sundress still isn’t cool enough attire, i’m secretly adoring you and your manhood.

*your beard or 5′oclock shadow
ok so i know everyone isn’t animalistically attracted to big burly facial hair, like i am, but every girl i know can appreciate the slightly disheveled, this is one thing i don’t have control over, face of a man a day or two past shaving. besides loving beards in general, i really love the day or two past the last shave face. it’s one thing to make a conscious choice to not shaves for days, weeks, and months (thereby growing a beard), but there’s something endearing and softening about watching the guy that does maintain a clean shave look see how long he can go before he has to give in. sunday mornings are usually the best for this look. you’re two days into growth, but it’s still the weekend, and for godsake you won’t shave until you have to! i guess what i’m trying to say is, no matter how much a girl may love a clean cut clean shaven guy, it’s the five o’clock on sunday shadow that brings a smile to my face as it reminds me of the very  lovely differences between men and women. it softens your edge.

*the chivalrous things you do that are so subtle we probably don’t even notice.
many of the guys i know are good guys. the kind of guys whose dads taught them how to be gentlemen. and as a woman, who wasn’t taught those things, i probably don’t even know about half of them. but once and a while, a guy friend, or someone i’m dating will do one of the way more subtle (many women probably don’t notice) gentleman acts, without being recognized, or even acknowledged and it warms my heart. these aren’t the ‘go out of your way to open a car door,’ ‘pay for dinner,’ quick win gentleman moves. they are acts that some girls may never even be aware are happening. it’s like you pass the “is he a great guy even when no one is looking test” test without me even realizing you were being tested. my favorite one of these, and a guy i dated was so good at doing this i didn’t even realize that he did it every single time we were together for a few months in,  is walking on the outside of the sidewalk.  or waiting until i get inside my house before you drive away (guys- i, as a female driver, even do this. please, if you don’t already, make this a habit). these little acts are so great at reminding me that there is so much going on up there that i don’t know about. and that you care.

*when you sing along with a favorite song in the car
music is one of those great things that’s not discriminatory of who it affects. we all have that song that brings us back to the best summer of our life, or reminds us of our first crush, or gives us hope, or makes us smile and sing along. and when those songs come on in the car, or in a public place, and you sing along silently or audibly, it makes me smile. music is meant to be an emotional, feelingful experience, and i love watching guys enjoy it.

*when you kill the spider without asking me if i’m serious, telling me i’m a wimp, saying no, or making fun of me before you do it.
i’m a pretty independent, self sufficient gal if i do say so myself. i live alone, and have for almost seven years, so of course i’ve killed my share of creepy crawlies. but you know what’s great about having a boy around when then next CC presents itself? it’s one less that i have to kill. honestly, the crunch of the bug just gets me, ok? and when i can calmly (i mean it, no arms flailing as i stand atop the kitchen counter) ask you to take care of it and you just grab a tissue and do the deed, i love you. that’s it.

*your weird thing for sneakers
i don’t know what it is, but i know a lot of boys with a passion for sneakers. and i think it’s adorable (in a not condescending way, i swear!). i love that you pick up a pair of tennies that looks almost identical to the pair you are wearing and the pair you bought last week, and you are smitten. i love how you decided which of your collection goes with your outfit. and how you ‘tie,’knot,’ or ‘tuck’ your laces. i love that you have dressier kicks for a night out, as well as your go to standbys. i love that you scour for and covet the newest styles or colors. and i love that you have had, want, or currently sport a pair of jordans (again, giving me a glimpse of a world so different than mine).

*when you find my ability to be always right endearing
self explanatory, no?

*when you smile, like really smile, in pictures
i know it’s cheesy (get it? eh? eh?), but you look good when you smile. smiles are happy. and happy people make other people happy. and capturing it on film is a way to spread and preserve happiness. and i love your smile. yes yours. because it’s great. because all smiles are great. so share it. smile in photos. let me know that you’re happy. life is good.

we probably don’t tell you enough boys, the things we love about you. this is definitely a personal list, unendorsed by other females, so don’t hold them to or against anything said here. it’s just my way of thanking you for being so darned cute. when you’re not dating anyone you don’t necessarily have anyone to aim these little acknowledgments at (without it getting weird) but that doesn’t mean you all shouldn’t know.

you’re cute, boys. and i like you. thanks for just a few of the reasons why. xoxo

a moment, a love, a dream, a laugh, a kiss, a cry, our rights, our wrongs… a moment, a love
temper trap. sweet disposition

Earlier this summer, AOL created a position call the Ambassador of Lifestream.

What was it, you ask? Direct from the application, in AOL’s words:

“We’re looking for one very savvy individual to fill an important position. It’s an easy job because all you have to do is be yourself. There’s not a job like this anywhere else…guaranteed. Intrigued? Read on…
A Little About You
You’re the type of person we can see spending a lot of quality time with this summer. You have the perfect balance of charisma, insight and ambition. You might be thinking, “Sure, but what’s in it for me?”
Frankly, a lot.
But we’ll get to that later.
First, let’s talk more about you.
Like a bloodhound on the hunt, you’ve got an uncanny ability to sniff out new trends. You go with your gut. Like a sixth sense, it always leads the way.
Your enemy is the status quo. Status updates, however, are your friend. You judge others not only on the content of their character, but also on the content of their Tweets.
People listen to what you have to say, because they know that you know what’s up. You’re a social-media butterfly with the wingspan of a jumbo jet—you don’t flutter, you soar.
You’re comfortable in your own shoes and your friends love that about you.
Why? Because you’re cool, that’s why.
Like it’s your job.
Which brings us to why we’re here…
The Job
For two solid months you’ll be an integral part of the Lifestream Team and have the opportunity to work directly with Tim Armstrong, CEO of AOL. You’ll sit in high-level meetings and speak your mind to our top product engineers, marketers and executives. You’ll tell them what you like and what you don’t like about AOL products. We’re depending on you to tell it like it is, and we know that you will.
Ok, we know. You’re still wondering what’s in it for you.
Here’s The Deal
This is not your average summer internship. In fact, if we didn’t know better, we’d think this was some sort of Employment rickroll.
You, friend, will not only receive a paycheck, but you’ll also be living the bi-coastal lifestyle. A luxury apartment in San Francisco. A hip hotel in NYC.
Through AOL Lifestream, you’ll be sharing all your experiences with your social networks via Facebook updates, Tweets, Flickr uploads, Foursquare check-ins and YouTube videos. Give your followers a glimpse into the behind-the-scenes culture of AOL. Remember, your friends are our friends, too. And if our friends have something to say, we want to hear it.
We’ve been making a lot of changes around here and we’re not afraid to take risks. To inform those risks, we’re counting on you to bring us weekly dispatches from the frontlines of the latest pop culture trends. So throughout the summer, you’ll have in your possession VIP access to events around the country—the hottest clubs and restaurants, the most coveted live concerts, sporting events and industry social gatherings. Your loyal followers will benefit too, all because they know you.
You’ll get all this and more for allowing us to harness the awesome power that is you.

The initial application process asked for two 200 word essays, one about ourselves and one about business and social media.

Here are the essay questions, and my answers:

Tell us why you are perfect for the position (50% strategic adviser to the CEO about new products, features, experience, 50% Social Community Engagement Star)

Well, you said you cared what my friends think, so I decided to have THEM tell you why I’m perfect for this job. Not to worry, I didn’t skew the results by telling them why I needed their descriptions. I could sit here and list all the phenomenal things about me that make me the perfect candidate for the position, like having a Master’s Degree in Organizational and Cultural Communication, my impeccable tact, innovative strategic mind, influential managerial skills, and uncanny ability to connect with anyone… no, I won’t weigh their words with my personal opinion. I’ll let you hear it from them.

I posted the following on Twitter and Facebook: “Friends IRL and followers, please please help!! If you could describe/define me with a word or phrase (or a few) what would it (they) be?!”

And here are their answers, with no baiting, describing your perfect candidate:

Ebullient analytical extrovert. “Top of the phone chain.” Hopeful. Emphatic. Boisterously fun! Phenomenal laugh. Spirited. VIVACIOUS! Dubalicious! Authentic. Driven, engaging, a force of nature. Brassy! Down home genuine with authentic urban edge. Rosy, curly, springy, energy. Dreamy and enchanting. Perceptive. Vivacious [yes, again!]!

Perfectly yours,

Steph “charisma, insight and ambition” Dub

In 200 words or less, tell us how social media is changing the way people and businesses communicate (English only, please)

Humans need to connect. It’s what makes us different from other mammals. We connect, and we care. Care about what other people think, feel, and need. Social media provides the ultimate outlet for connection. It allows us to cross previously impermeable barriers to connection such as proximity, social status, and time. It allows us to feel important; heard; understood. That we matter; our opinion matters. This consequently dictates the need for a fresh economic model. Supply and demand is a well oiled framework based on rational variables that’s worked well for us. Until now. Social media has constructed a space for emotional influence in a previously rational economy. Our connections through social media validate our thoughts, feelings and needs; they validate our voice. For the the first time, anyone has access to influence the media. To contribute and be heard. This is a game changer for the ever shifting dichotomy between culturally determined media and media dictated society. As businesses contend to survive in the supply and demand competition they look towards media to provide insight on society’s desires. Social media has opened a direct line of communication between consumer and product. And the results are yet to be seen…

The semi-finals

Out of thousands of applicants, I made it through to the semi-finals. In the semi-finals (a two day period), we the applicants, completed a formal interview for the position with the Lifestream team leads, and has 24 hours to make a short (2 minutes or less) video of ourselves, discussing the following:

• Tell us why you’re the best person for this job.
• What kind of role does social media play in your life?
• What excites you the most about AOL Lifestream?

Below is my video, planned, recorded and edited in less than 24 hours.

Based on the interviews, the AOL selected their top 3 candidates and there I was in the finals. AOL made it clear that they would be excited and honored to work with any of the three, and left the rest up to a social media vote.

After days of technical issues, my greatest rally efforts possible, less than ideal voting interface and voter experiences- I didn’t get the AOL Ambassador of Lifestream position.

But over all, I can’t say that I would have changed anything whatsoever. It was a fabulous lesson in believing in and trusting myself and my abilities, being open to asking for help, working on a quick paced creative project and receiving an overwhelming amount of love and support from a community of family, friends, and strangers.

Thanks again to EVERYONE for EVERYTHING!

we’ll talked about the perils of dating as a writer, the consequences of his post “you shouldn’t have sex with me” and  what it’s like to date in the city. we talked and our own personal ‘filtering’ process for whom we date, the non negotiables, and hairy boys.

we also did a not so his vs. hers top 5 list. more a steph’s ‘biggest guy complaints in sf’, and noah’s ‘what guys are annoyed with while trying to date in sf’ list sharing.

plus girls peeing in bed, boys being wimping and uncommittal, and pawning of noah for a date. or trying to.

check itttt.

why you shouln’t have sex with me-noah berkowitz.

we discuss the parallels of dating and music making, as well as writing and music making.

they sing songs and discuss dating in new york versus san francisco.

a grand time.

model student musicians discuss dating and music making.

jesper has created two (and is working on a third) social service websites that focus specifically on human aspects of “social networking”- NOT wanting to see certain people, forgiving and asking for forgiveness, and the complexities of having and telling secrets.

our discussion started with jesper sharing a personal relationship story which led to the creation of http://www.avoidr.org/, http://www.theforgivenessengine.com/ and upcoming disclosur…

as someone who is VERY passionate about awareness of the effects of social media on our relationships, i was SO excited to talk with jesper because his social media ‘projects’ highlight some of the things we need to be aware of.

you can find more about avoider, the forgiveness engine, and jesper at certaintylabs.com

also, check out the press this fella’s getting!

huffingtonpost
daily intel- nymag
nytimes blog
ABCnews
mashable
urban daddy

you can find both of us on twitter- @stephdub @jandersen.

jesper andersen and i talk the ebbs and flows of relationships and social media.

so instead of responding to his ten types of chicks- i’ll just go ahead and compile my own list. the top 10 types of boys you don’t want to date”

in no particular order, here we go.

1.the musician. listen ladies, unless he’s already on tour, and making enough money to afford showers while touring (a hotel room or the like) then he’s just a boy with a pipe dream. you think now that his band playing shows at your fav local venues is cute and exciting, but in three years, when you’ve smelled 75 too many nasty dive bar bathrooms, smoked 242 cartons of cigarettes via second hand smoke, and watched his buddy/band mate pick up 119 different college girls you’ll wish that you wouldn’t've wasted your every thrusday friday saturday monday tuesday and wednesday following his going nowhere hobby instead of living your own life.

2.the financial analyst. first of all, this guy never puts down his blackberry. he can’t honestly believe that some people have the audacity to leave the office before 8pm, and thinks that real businessmen can’t function with a phone that starts with an i. he’s always late for midweek dinner dates, and makes you feel like nothing is as important as the deal he’s closing on that tuesday night. every tuesday night. ’nuff said.

3.the guy with bangs longer than yours. ok, we all know that justin bieber is a preteen sensation that will pass. let’s think back to other teen idols that inspired hair trends that we can clearly call mistakes- joey lawrence, the hanson bros (ok, i was totally in love with that hair, but what did i know?), zack morris.  got it? if his bangs are longer than yours, he has to flip his head nine times to be able to see, and god forbid FLAT IRONS HIS BANGS- run. just run.

4.the frat boy. ok, we’ve all be to college, college parties, or a jersey shore pub crawl. beer pong was fun when we could use our age as a reason to be stupid enough to admit drinking for no other reason than getting completely obliterated. leaving the marina at 2 am to go play beer pong is never a good idea. (learn this one from my mistake, please)

5.the unemployed. yes, i know the status of our economy. and yes i know that trying to find a job is crazy difficult right now. but i don’t need to be supporting you. and i know that you think i’m groovy, and want to hang out other places than the couch watching movies. but those other places cost money. not to mention the weird uncalled for insecurity you get when i pay because you resent not only my paying job, but my managerial status and adult income bracket. sorry boys. i don’t do well with projected resentment.

6.the wanderlust.  we all love those days where we leave the house in the morning and go where the wind takes us- usually including dolores park, a liquor store, zeitgeist, a shared bathroom stall, the grocery store frozen food isle, and possibly a strangers bedroom. and those days create fond memories. but we wake up and go back to normal life. if this sounds like normal life then we need not talk. see number 5.

7.the heartbroken. nothing is worse than coaching your date through his heartbreak from another girl. boys if you are not ready to date, then DON’T DATE. it’s hard enough for me to keep my confidence after years of failed dates, but when you ask me out, and then three neat whiskeys in you confess that you still love her, and would do anything to have her back, i have no other option but to pity you, and invalidate my own feelings of frustration. enough boys, move on. she did.

8.the ‘avoid the DTR at all costs’ guy. dudes, there is a point where we MUST Define the Relationship. i know this is SF, and peter pan syndrome runs as rampant as new start-ups. but guess what? when we are seeing each other for three months it is NOT unreasonable to want to know where we stand. because believe it or not, we’re not all waiting with baited breathe for you to commit to us. in fact, most of the time, if you’re not looking for what we are, we want out. but we need to know what you’re looking for to make that call. have relationships already. get over yourself and what you think are your options.

9.the guy that is still friends with the same group of friends he had in high school. listen, i know you’ve been through a lot together, but going out with a group of people and hearing stories from 12 years ago gets old. and no girl wants to feel like she’s got to compete with that history to simply be able to join the conversation. we all have friends that we’ve known since high school. but there are A TON of other people in this world that DIDN’T happen to live within 19 mile radius of where our parents bought a house. and some of them are awesome. so open your eyes.

10.and last but not least the guy that knows everything about you because he’s been following you on twitter, tumblr, friendfeed, and flickr for a year. hey guy, relationships are about SHARING. not consuming. when you already know, or think you know, everything about me that means the relationship is over. there is nothing else to discuss. so try not to stalk me online if you actually want to date me. and try asking me about ME. and maybe i’ll ask you about you. and we’ll create a RELATIONSHIP.

i wish these didn’t come to me so easily. but, well, they did. they all just happened to be in my brain. i wonder why.

now of course we know that there are exaggerations. and most importantly, i have compassion for you if you happen to be one, or any combination of the above guys. i just don’t recommend dating you. and i think it’s clear why.

we discussed the perks of using thread.com to meet and be introduced to new people, why it’s different from just looking at your friends’ friends on facebook, and how to be a successful matchmaker!

these two really get it. single themselves, they understand what it’s like to just want to meet new people. and how hard dating is. thread.com and its features reflect that. smart AND attractive, these two are both quite the catch.

check out the podcast, and http://thread.com

thread.com founders and i talk how to date in sf, and utilize your friends networks.

Well, you said you cared what my friends think, so I decided to have
THEM tell you why I’m perfect for this job. Not to worry, I didn’t
skew the results by telling them why I needed their description. I
could sit here and list all the phenomenal things about me that make
me the perfect candidate for the position, like having my Master’s
Degree in Organizational and Cultural Communication, my impeccable
tact, innovative strategic mind, influential managerial skills,
uncanny ability to connect with anyone… no, I won’t weigh their
words with my personal opinion. I’ll let you hear it from them.

I posted the following on Twitter and Facebook: Friends IRL and
followers, please please help!! If you could describe/define me with a
word or phrase (or a few) what would it (they) be?!

And here are their answers, with no baiting, describing your perfect candidate:
Ebullient analytical extrovert. “Top of the phone chain.” Hopeful.
Emphatic. Boisterously fun! Phenomenal laugh. Spirited. VIVACIOUS!
Dubalicious! Authentic. Driven, engaging, a force of nature. Brassy!
Down home genuine with authentic urban edge. Rosy, curly, springy,
energy. Dreamy and enchanting. Perceptive. Vivacious [again!]!

Perfectly yours,
Steph “charisma, insight and ambition” Dub

and what i wasn’t prepared for when i asked the lighthearted question to my network of friends was the kindness and greatness of their responses. it’s not often that we ask what other people think of us. maybe it’s because we don’t really want to know. maybe it’s because we don’t care. i’m not sure why. but sometimes it really is amazing to find out how other people think of you. it’s amazing when their responses are so genuine, and align with who you strive to be as a person.

so at that point in the application process, i said even if i don’t get any further, just seeing and feeling those responses was gift enough.

and then i made it to the semi-finalists, and now finalists. and i’m rallying and reaching out, and asking for help (which is a whole nother lesson being learned). and the responses are outrageously awesome. i feel so loved and supported and understood. from every person that “got it” that i’d be perfect for this job. from everyone that sent the link to strangers. from every stranger that has voted. you’re all so wonderful.

often times, when we want something, and need “more” to get it, we forget the people that have already given to us. we inadvertently punish them for not giving enough. and through this process i refuse to let that happen. so, one day into the 4 day process i want to say THANK YOU. to every one of my friends, family members, strangers, friends of friends, friends of family. YOU’RE ALL AMAZING. thank you so much.

here’s one of the facebook messages that inspired this post:
Laura Liu:…i thought about why i liked your video better than the other two. social media is not part of your job, it’s your PA—SSION (said with your chicago accent in my head). for them, it’s part of their job and their social life. for you, it’s about how to move your PA—SSION for your radio show forward, which has nothing to do with your day job. …just thought i would point that out to everyone who should be voting for you. wish i could’ve left that comment on the voting website.

so thank you all. for everything you’ve done already. you’re an amazing bunch and i’m so grateful.

NOW- let’s rally for three more days. there’s no way i’m NOT going to get this ;)

if you haven’t yet please VOTE FOR ME FOR AMBASSADOR OF LIFESTREAM! <3