on june third i tweeted the following, because it happened to me:
@stephdub: it’s so funny how fear and doubt can creep in to make us question something that we are batshit excited about. ENOUGH! Banish! I’m AWESOME!
i used this tweet in effort to step away from unneeded and unwanted fear about something so that i was so excited about. and it worked. i went forward with what i was feeling insecure about. and LET ME TELL YOU, IT WORKED. SOME AWESOME RESULTS came directly from ignoring the fear. and embracing the excitement.
a few days later i was having an amazing conversation about synchronicity with a close friend. and we were talking about how we often dismiss signs from the universe, or where ever, as coincidence. and in fact, nothing is coincidence. it’s all connected. and the more we begin to notice the signs. the more they come. and the more positive things continue to happen.
i get a daily email called the dailyOM. it’s great. it’s a little piece of perspective in my inbox everyday. today i was reading my dailyOMs from the last few days, and what do i find? THIS.
synchronicity, my dear friends. it’s all a sign.
June 8, 2010 Translating Our Feelings Are You Excited Or Scared?
Often times when trying something new, we feel scared when in actuality we may be excited. Reframe your thoughts.
When new challenges and opportunities show up in our lives, we may diagnose ourselves as feeling scared when what we really feel is excited. Often we have not been taught how to welcome the thrill of a new opportunity, and so we opt to back off, indulging our anxiety instead of awakening our courage. One way to inspire ourselves to embrace the opportunities that come our way is to look more deeply into our feelings and see that butterflies in our stomach or a rapidly beating heart are not necessarily a sign that we are afraid. Those very same feelings can be translated as excitement, curiosity, passion, and even love.
There is nothing wrong with being afraid as long as we do not let it stop us from doing the things that excite us. Most of us assume that brave people are fearless, but the truth is that they are simply more comfortable with fear because they face it on a regular basis. The more we do this, the more we feel excitement in the face of challenges rather than anxiety. The more we cultivate our ability to move forward instead of backing off, the more we trust ourselves to be able to handle the new opportunity, whether it’s a new job, an exciting move, or a relationship. When we feel our fear, we can remind ourselves that maybe we are actually just excited. We can assure ourselves that this opportunity has come our way because we are meant to take it.
Framing things just a little differently can dramatically shift our mental state from one of resistance to one of openness. We can practice this new way of seeing things by saying aloud: I am really excited about this job interview. I am really looking forward to going on a date with this amazing person. I am excited to have the opportunity to do something I have never done before. As we do this, we will feel our energy shift from fear, which paralyzes, to excitement, which empowers us to direct all that energy in the service of moving forward, growing, and learning.
i’ve been wanting a dog for a while. like, years, a while. but only recently have i been actually in any place to even consider being able to take care of a little pup like he deserves. i’m heart set on rescuing a french bulldog. after being heartbroken when i wasn’t selected as the forever home mommy for a super special guy, i’ve just been continuing to put it into the universe. i’m ready. for a little new best friend. until then i make friends in my neighborhood whenever i can. this is one of them.
i don’t wanna start a flame in your heart. i just wanna set the world on fire…
people often ask me why i’m qualified to give advice about dating and relationships, especially being single, (besides my BA and MA in interpersonal communication, and getting paid for specializing in adult education and coaching in corporate america) i usually respond that i don’t think of it as advice. i like to think of it as giving perspective. and coaching.
and then, only THEN, do i answer the “what advice would you give…” question. and it usually starts out exactly the same way.
it’s not about them. it’s not about what they think, feel, believe, want, need. it’s about you. it’s about what you want. and think. and feel. and need. it’s about figuring out those things first and foremost. but most people don’t want to start there. or know to start there. it’s easier to focus on the other. what he or she does, or doesn’t do. feels or doesn’t feel.
but you know what? the only things we can EVER really know for sure are things about ourselves. we think we know what they want, think, feel, believe… and even more inaccurately, we think we know WHY they want, think, feel and believe the things they do. but guess what. we don’t know for sure. in fact, we’re probably wrong most of the time.
for this sole reason, my advice to people is always always always begin with yourself. what are you feeling? why are you feeling it? where does this lead? because a) it’s the closest thing to the truth that we’ll know, and b) it actually EMPOWERS you to do something about the answers if you don’t like them. because they are about you. and YOU have the ability to change you!
people say that before you can love someone else you must love yourself. they also say that you should be single for X amount of time to really get to know, and understand yourself before you’re ready to be in a relationship. all of this stems from the exact same thing. we can only really know ourselves. but once we’re in a relationship we have this completely erroneous idea that we know what our parter thinks, feels, wants, and needs. and even worse, we either change those things about ourself to align with theirs, or we try and get them to change to align with us. and if this isn’t enough fun for you … it’s usually done unconsciously!! (wahoo!)
i was talking with a friend yesterday about my post on knowing your non negotiables. know how you feel, what you want, what you need and believe. and know which of those are not negotiable. will not change. should not change. cannot change. because they make up who you are. who you are proud to be.
to know your non negotiables, you must first find out everything about yourself. ok, maybe not everything. but a lot of stuff. and guess what. figuring out all that shit takes time. time with self. time with others. time processing. time focused.
but who has time for all of that?? not many. you’re right. which is why there are so many people unhappy in relationships. not really knowing what to do. because they’re focused on the relationship, or their other. not themselves. so guess what? they have no power. because they don’t control the other. they only have control over themselves. but they don’t know what they want. because they never figured it out before they were in a relationship. because that took too much time.
the tricky thing about knowing what you want and need- there’s no excuse not to get/have it. or find it. or demand it. it instantly holds you accountable for your own happiness (the ultimate reason no one wants to take the time; we hate being accountable for anything. our culture fosters a bunch of wishy washy finger pointers with intense commitment issues.)
so here i am. knowing that something needs to be done to get me back to my place of need/want/deserve in a certain relationship in my life. avoiding the hell out of doing exactly that something.
for a zillion different reasons, making sure that what is happening in this relationship and what needs to be happening for me is ridiculously difficult. because doing what needs to be done is in fact combating and overcoming a multitude of relational schemas that i’ve been working through for years.
and now that the issue is no longer an emotional one, and i’ve passed the period of saying what needs to be said because i’m reacting to an emotionally charged issue… it seems way easier to just put off doing it. saying it.
but guess who is the ONLY person affected if i don’t. me. so why the hell do i want to cop out… on myself!?!
cause it’s easier. but nothing will change if i don’t do what i need. i will continue to not get what i need. and continue to be unsatisfied.
so. ok. i’m taking control of my happiness in the relationship. and am going to have the conversation that i’m sure he doesn’t want to have (or even know is coming), and am positive that i want to have even less than he.
and i’ll be stronger after it. i will… i will… i willllll…
When one week became one month and it occurred to America and the world that the Gulf Coast oil spill was bigger than anyone initially imagined, Gulf Coast loving musicians did what they do best.
They raised $300,000 for oil spill affected families.
The Gulf Aid Benefit concert was produced by Rehage Entertainment, sponsored by the Jaeger Foundation, the New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Foundation, the Anheuser-Busch Foundation, Southern Eagle, Champagne and Mockler Beverage, and organized by WWOZ-FM, SDT Waste and Disposal and the MCC group.
At the event, we captured simple messages of love and hope for the Gulf Coast. Here they are, some sad, some mad, some compassionate, always unscripted.
They are our love notes to the coast. Please leave yours in the comments below.
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To continue to help, donations can be made by texting GULFAID with a space followed by the amount you want to contribute to 27138 (ie; “GULFAID 10” to “27138”), by logging on to www.gulfaid.org or mailed to Gulf Relief Foundation, a 501 C3 non-profit corporation located at P.O. Box 6917, Metairie, LA 70009, that supports organizations focused on wetlands/coastal environmental issues and the regional seafood industry.
June 8, 2010