it’s about filling the funnel of life.

she said, “well, take off your sunglasses…” i said, “oh baby why don’t you take off your sunglasses.” she said, “i already have.”

good ole 010 started by me saying thank you to the UNI… and having my dating button reset. and since, things have been, well, amazing.

partly because of my 2010 mott0: just say yes.

it’s that simple. my bff and i have decided to live a life of joy, fun, and spontaneity by just saying yes to anything that we are hesitant about. just say yes. if there is ever a moment of hesitation, just say yes. that’s what life is about.

you see, this bff and i met one fateful lord’s day last spring, and in ‘very true to every moment of our friendship’ fashion we met at the park on easter sunday on a sunscreen borrowing mission, and ended up serendipitously running into one another 4 hours of bar hopping later, at zeitgeist, where i promptly forced her to join us and be friends. at that moment we became the official co-founders and co-captains of Team Fun (llc.). and all was good.

well, you see life got a little in the middle of us for a few months in oh9, and my newbff and i weren’t hanging as much as we’d like- but the uni must have heard my request in january because my nbff was returned to me! and she was EXACTLY what i needed for 010.

you see, she’s amazing. she’s smart, successful, beautiful, outgoing, energetic, and willing to ride the waves of life, take chances, and most importantly…date.

she’s the epitome of a sales woman on top of her game. and she applies her sales theories to life and dating everyday. “it’s a numbers game…” she says. “you’ve got to fill the funnel for everything to play out into something great and amazing. the more opportunities you put in the funnel the closer you are to finding the best one! and, you get to meet some amazing people along the way.”

now we all know i’ve had quite the time meeting suitable gentlemen callers, but not when i’m with my bff (the new has since been dropped, duh). i’m the steph i used to be. the outgoing, carefree, try anything, open to connection with anyone- ‘let’s go!’- steph. and god.it.feels.good.

so you know what? i take it all back. there are a TON of guys in SF to date. i was just going through life with dark sunglasses, old habits and jadeness shading my view.

so starting now, 010 is the year of filling the funnel. of meeting as many new people as i can. of giving guys a chance, opening to every connection i possibly can. because… why not?!

yea 2010, i’m ready to wake everyday to everything you want to give me, bff by my side. i’m attracting good and amazing things from here on out. because that’s how it should be. and what i now see that i deserve. and the uni is here to give us what we deserve.

i’m going to feel and love and connect and trust and be loved. for all of me. cause really, that’s easy.

i’m ready for it uni, and i love you. thanks for my bff and the inspiration. <3

i said, “baby, oh, that’s like me asking you to take out your shoe laces…” so she took out her shoelaces.

“you can’t stop a story being told…”

i am no wimpy scaredy cat.

you do me wrong now, my love is strong now…

at this moment in ‘history’ i feel like our society is dictated, in an unruly way, by fear. fear of rejection, fear of disappointment, fear of inadequacy, fear of unimportance, fear of vulnerability, fear of success. fear.

and i honestly believe that we are here, in this societal place, because of a lack of love. i know, so naive of me. but it’s true. a lack of love for ourselves, and for others.

when we perceive that  lack of love, it only causes us to hold on to our love, and keep it for ourselves, and therefore not give it away. to anyone. perpetuating a lack of love for each other. which leads to more fear that we won’t be love by another, allowing us to justify further our clinging to our own love.

and all fear stems the same way. from a lack of perceived love. so what do we do? hold onto our love out of fear that a) we’ll have nothing if we give it away, and b) worse, that someone may not actually want it.

and now a days this seems to manifest itself in strong, successful, single twenty/thirty somethings choosing to stay single or to focus on their career, or to play it cool for love and connection. all stemming from a fear that they will not be loved.

recently, i made a decision to identify fear in my own actions as soon as possible, and to own it, and address it head on. overcoming a fear, of any size or importance is empowering, and actually creates self love, which ‘fills up’ our love levels allowing us to feel more comfortable giving it away. to anyone. Read the rest of this entry »

it’s not really about you, or you. but you think you know.

there really ain’t no difference, in michigan and maine… if you ain’t here to see this, i’m missing just the same.

open all night (seveneleven)

so i have 61 minutes to write this. until it’s tomorrow. and there is so much i want to say. and so much i can’t, in a public forum. for two main reasons. one, she will think everyone will know. two, he will know.

and mostly, he should know. a friend of mine, that i ran into at the bar in my neighborhood (place pigalle, <3) said to me tonight, “steph… what?! you have to tell him. he has to know. i mean, from all the advice you give……. he has to know.” and that probably sums up my dating life post B. cause in my last serious relationship, in a schema fitting way, I was the needy one. what?! i know. i was independent, and self able, and that didn’t matter. for the reason that we fit each other’s bad relationship habits, he treated me like i was needy. so what am i now (or was until self enlightenment through blogging as therapy)? the one that plays it too cool. the one that is not allow to say what, and how, and why, most importantly, exactly when.

so, i’m working on that. the feelings part. and then, ugh (even harder) the telling of the feelings part. so yea. i feel good about my progress.

the second thing, though, is that i have realized (in the same capacity of listening to my intuition, even when it’s confusing) that other people’s opinions, and thoughts, and concerns, and ‘perspective’ (yes, in quotes) is really only relevant when balanced with my own thoughts, feelings, and needs. or any one’s.

what this really leads to is this- only the two people involved really, truly, know what is shared, felt, and exists in the relationship. therapists, and enlightened friends can offer advice, and suggestions, and perspective…all they want. but the only people that know what is right, are the two in the relationship.

and more often than not, other people’s thoughts, concerns, opinions… they are wrong. they absolutely do not have the whole story. but, nevertheless, they will entice you to spiral into questioning yourself, your relationship, your relationships that they have nothing to do with, and ugh.

the only people that know are you and them. he and she. she and he. she and she. he and he. enough is enough.

and in an environment where people love to talk, but also be incestuous… i learned the hard way. well, people that spiraled far far past anything that they knew, or had to do with… you were way off. way, way off. see second paragraph of this post, ok. it has nothing to do with anyone you know. or think you know.

i’m too scared to ask the right questions, and too tired to fill the right shoes. so i’ll take advantage of the blues.

the blues- jason isbell and the 400 unit

nothing sweeter than the smell of sweat

tears rolling down your face. the vapours all up in the place. guess i’m alive today at least, while i ventilate.

ten reasons why i’m still here…

i haven’t really been talking much about dating on here the last few days. for a few reasons. well, first, i’m not. dating that is. shocker. broken record on repeat over and over- SF dating is hard and different and weird and blah. there are tons of other reasons. mostly, since i’m doing nablopomo i thought maybe you’d get reallllly bored with dating and relationships and want to hear me talk about self awareness, astrology, personal growth and love. hah. well tough. you got that anyway.

but tonight i’m going to talk about a totally weird and totally normal thing that is part of dating, and mating. it’s funny, because i wrote a paper in college on this exact subject, and here i am about to use what i learned. i didn’t pay for that.

BO. as in body odor. we all have it. well, could. we wash prematurely to send it the message that it is not welcome. and we wear chemically created goo in our underarms to avoid emitting the odor when we are not washing. and perfume/cologne, we all wear that for different reasons. either way, in our culture, BO is just plain gross and stinky.

except when it is not. i will bet that, unless you were raised in a completely OCD household, and have a obvious lack of perspective in life, you’ve smelled someones BO and thought, oh, that’s not really that gross. it just…is. because we all emit pheromones, smells specific to our body chemistry, that mix well with others’. or don’t. and not so oddly, something that would smell super stinky to someone else, may not smell that stinkified to us.

and, applying a scientific perspective to love (mating, same thing right?) for moment, i can clearly see how this human ‘function’ would prove to be really very handy. some people have smells that you just can’t stand. and some have smells that you oddly enjoy, and may bring emotional/mental comfort of some sort. my ex had a smell so strong (not BO, just body chemistry) that after we broke up i had to wash my sheets three and four times until i could sleep. my mom has a comforter at her house that we used once at christmas during a visit and it held his smell for probably a year and a half after we broke up. we all have a personal scent. and that can sometimes, usually actually, include perfume, shampoo, lotion, laundry detergent… but even if it includes those outside scents, they are mixed with our body oils and chemistry to become “our smell.” and it’s these scents that help us unconsciously, at an genetic level, decipher who should and should not be our mate.

i have a friend that doesn’t wear deodorant. a thirty year old male friend that just doesn’t do it.  he has decided that if someone can handle his man stench, then that’s a positive sign. and, mostly, i agree with him. there is something to be said about someones scent, even if it is BO.

this summer i had a rendezvous or two with a boy that one of my guy friends thought had terrible, no good BO. gag inducing BO. and though said boy rode his bike all day, walked barefoot in the park all too often, and wore the same clothes for days at a time, his smell never really bothered me (mind you i had witnessed the shower time, so i knew he wasn’t, in fact, completely dirty).

and last week, i was nearly, for lack of better word, intoxicated by the smell of a particular someones post bike ride sweat… more than once. i believe it is part of the bigger plan to help us attract a mate that is right for us.

smells. we have them. we are dirty, messy, living creatures that ooze and leak all sorts of questionably fragrant substances. so when they don’t bother you, and in fact may even entice you, you can know that you’ve at least got that right.

however, last night, the group of 5 grown, large, and hairy men next to me rocking out at the pixies shows were. not. that. case. i gagged more than once.

thanks for that, universe. the reminder that most of the boys in SF just plain stink.

you know i had my share of doubt, until i saw the vapours in your eyes.

vapours- islands.