imagine you’re a girl just trying to finally come clean, knowing full well they’d prefer you were dirty and smiling

pity the fool that is silly enough to start dating me. ok not really. but basically i think that is the monkey i am now carrying on my back. and i do believe it is not going away anytime soon. 

this weekend i said to a friend, “ugh. i just feel like when i actually do start dating someone its going to be this stupidly big deal.” not because i think everyone cares that much about me and my personal/dating life. but because i have found that my friends and readers of this blog somehow find themselves sneak attackly invested in the analytical spirals of my crazy dating life. and in my hangover state i really couldn’t explain it to her much better. 

and then another friend asked me about a boy i met last week. and i started telling him the story and he was happy and interested in what may transpire, and then he said something very close to, “oh man, think about the social implications of dating you…” and i was absolutely not offended, upset, sad or anything. but i was like sigh, you get it. 

have i dug myself into this grave of a self imposed dating drought? am i that girl that is not worth the baggage she brings into a dating situation? do i have the “she’s a lot to take in” stigma? cause i’m not. i mean, i’m all about having healthy relationships. and i know what boundaries make up a healthy relationship. i know that writing about someone else (that i am possibly seeing) is a tricky and delicate thing. and as loud and outgoing and blaaahhhh as i may be, i have tact. i have a masters in communication. i know how to handle situations. and this blog is about me. not the person i am dating. 

and being pretty new to this ubertechgeekinterwebsoversharing world i am struggling to find the boundary between thinking it is great when i meet a new boy and he knows of my blog, or asks what i do and tell him about this little space on the net, and wanting him not to know, wanting to maintain this aura of normal girl that he may want to get to know. cause what i write on this blog only assists in the one way relationship that i am so skeptical about. but what i write on this blog is so one hundred percent who i am that i also do not want to be ashamed of it. Continue reading →

so. it’s about that time. more about Shades Of Perspective….

so the goal of the site, as described, is to create a safe space on the internet to explore all things relationships. how did i get to the point where i knew what this ’space’ would actually consist of? i’m not sure, per se, except that there have always been a few things that puzzled me in regards to dating/relationships… well one main thing. we are not taught how to do it. 

maybe it is my obsessive need to analyze everything, or my undying fear of being made to look stupid for something, or my crazy inability to judge (or compassionate heart ; ), or my training and development background- but it seems to me that at the heart of society’s relationship complications is the little fact that no one is ever explicitly given information regarding how to have a healthy relationship. in our english language it seems to be easier sometimes to describe how NOT to do something, rather than how to DO something. or how to FIX something after it has gone wrong, rather than how to DO IT RIGHT in the first place. and dating/marriage is a perfect example of this. 

there is this whole group of people in our world (consisting of people like me!), that LOVE researching communication and relationships. and out of that research comes this awesome stuff called theory and data that actually could HELP the world have better relationships (!!). but unfortunately this uber valuable info is housed in these really big intimidating places, like amongst the shelves of university libraries, and not many people have the desire to venture that far to obtain some pretty uninteresting and dry coffee table reading material. not when we have US weekly or wired delivered right to our homes.

so. my goal. create a site that educates in an nontraditional (read: no libraries or term papers) way, allowing its users to have fun AND learn and grow! (how innovative!!)

therefore, i now would like to present the four main educational goals of Shades Of Perspective:

<3 encourage the understanding and acceptance of difference
<3 learn about what we want/need in a partner
<3 learn how to communicate in relationships and create lasting positive communication habits
<3 learn about how to meet and attract the right partner 

stay tuned… this is only going to get better…

all my love <3

stephanie

we were just young and restless and bored…and we stayed awake every chance we could- to the back roads, and the allies, to the trusty woods

this post is really more about relationships in general- the ones we have with ourselves, friends-new and old, romantic interests, and everything in between.

i think i’ve come to a point in my life that probably takes people, and probably more so women, a lot longer to reach than it took me. and who knows why i’m here in my mid twenties, but man, thank goodness i am.

i have learned- i mean ACTually learned- that i do NOT need to be living my life for anyone else but ME. and it’s so interesting because this was a common topic of conversation and stress with my ex. he just could not understand why i constantly let other peoples’ thoughts of me affect me so much. and actually allow me to change who i was so easily and quickly. and i accredit him with the jump start of my self acceptance and healthy dose of ‘i don’t care what you think’ attitude. even if it came with a lot of pain, frustration and misunderstandings…

Continue reading →