i’m a story teller. i believe in connection through words. through detail. through interest and intrigue. through sharing. if you know me in real life, you’d probably say that this is an understatement.

i am obsessed with the story. any story. i want you to want to know every detail. it’s how i connect. i want to tell you things. i want to share, and explore, and feel like you hear me, and understand me, and  imagine being there. or appreciate the serendipity, or agree that we are all here, interacting with one another for a reason. and it’s important to me.

i want to hear your stories. small or large. i want the details. i want to know what things you will emphasize, what things you value. what you notice, why you care… about life.

this weekend i was talking with an amazing girlfriend of mine about dating. shocker. and i told her a story, about a boy. and she told me one. and she said most matter of factly, “of course it’s about the story. when is it not?” and for some reason it hit me. she understood. really understood. it IS about the story. it’s not that we all want some romantic comedy like meet cute for because it’s romantic. well, there is nothing wrong with that even. it’s the story that begins “us,” as friends, lovers, soul mates, as fateful friends. and she and i, this nbff (newbestfemalefriend), we have a good story.

women often share stories and secrets in relationships with one another. it’s how we connect, and support one another. men often do things together, play sports, or give advice. gendered communication. it’s all there, whether it’s socialization or genetics the research has been done.

but what my friend said to me, and how she said it, made me feel like someone finally got it. that telling stories, the story, isn’t about me being a female, and telling secrets is what we do on the playground. it’s bigger than that.

and it suddenly came to me, everything i know about story telling, and creating a narrative, from an academic perspective. when thinking about dating, i often reference, in my own brain, things i learned in grad school. i don’t know why it always surprises me. i mean, isn’t that the point. to learn, remember, and apply? well, yea,  every emotion i have is processed through this crazy rational virgo filter, and often times using academic research is what makes me feel more healthy about about being so pragmatic.

the narrative. it creates meaning. it provides us a view to understand how we see ourselves in a larger group (society). it gives us a space to emphasize who we want to be. the parts of us, and things we’ve done of which we are proud. stories allow us to test our normalcy in relation to the rest of society.

by telling a story, we are sharing ourselves. whether outwardly, or cryptically, we tell stories to connect. Read the rest of this entry »